These two days passed like a river flows rapidly at a thin corner...altough i didn't stop or anything, and no excuses allowed, i just didn't write, altough i spoke to myself in the means of self-forgiveness and self commitment just as here...
in these two days i have investigated myself regarding the movement point again, this has been brought up by the old vlog i made and i was about to have a long bycicling journey so jumped into investigating myself and working/walking through this within and as myself.
mostly as i "connected" myself to movement is in a way that i always saw it as something spectacular yet infinitely distant. whenever i saw a movement wether it be animal or plant or human or stellar objects ect. i always wondered and got amazed by the profoundness of the movement and the fluidity and the perfection in and as it, while if i moved myself it was always an inferior one, being only "executed" from my "command" and based on this assumption i never really given it a consideration of what and how it works. it was just plain doing of an unconscious or pre-defined-be-me-in-my-mind movement. even when i got into ComputerGraphics i knew exactly -because i have been listening the world around me with detail- that if i see an animation i can easily and accurately pinpoint the "unreal" parts of it and kind-of add them in...and i watched a coulple of beginner's animating scenes and were sad when i saw plenty of comments with "hey dude so cool movement!" where all it was a static with moving legs...ect.
actually i only seen and "registered" the parts or periods and defining elements of movement yet never ever REALLY understood movement itself as one and equal as me. and this "love of movement" is actually comes from physics class early on because when i got introduced into physics, my teacher spoke about how basic and profound our world is, and how we can write down or explain the most complex thing on earth. and altough there are many many things in our universe there are just a few laws that apply and define all other restrictions and therefore it is easy to see understand the universe.
so i basically built a love around the concept of the physical movement and whenever i saw one i felt great and enjoyment and happyness and fun while watching...later on i connected this to my ego with believing i bult a database where all the previously seen moment of movement of others are perfectly captured within me and i can see the similarities between beings and how center-of-gravity works, and eventually this lead me to the application of learning movements super-fast, i went to some martial arts hangovers and we were practising and while i could not learn from doing it over and over again i could learn very fast by actually watching it over and over again and performing the move without ever having done it. of course i could only do this if my body's strenght and endurance lasted...so i could only copy the techniqe not the actual move. and of course this made me angry at times of faliure yet while being busy in the mind i did not take my self-corrective principle as myself and so i did not drill or practised---only wanted results immediately-on the fly.
yesterday while riding my bike i started from the starting point of biking with always being aware and here within and as breath. it did not happen all the time but about 80%-of it i were able to do it, and one more thing i discovered that if i am synchronising my movement with my breathing i can "express" more energy and do more energy-required moves like pedalling stronger to accelerate from 20km/h to 30km/h. Also i realized that while being here i am really being and becoming more and more aware of my whole body. not just the parts that are involved in the biking like arms legs and my ass but my back, chest, neck, from head to toe i could sense the parts of me being here with me assisting and supporting me while performing this task i committed myself to.
many professionals would say "hey if you've been not biking for half a year start with a smaller route then build up" but i committed myself to biking there and back in one go...not a big deal to get lost (mostly straight) i took a bottle of water and went off.
on the way there i realized a point where i allowed separation within myself that i actually allowed myself to seperate myself from the bike or car or whatever i am travelling/sporting with...and because this is unacceptable i immediately started SF and SCS while biking, somehow the old holding back of "what if they hear it" fear was just gone i started saying them without thinking a moment about it. it was just "natural" to realize and apply myself in that moment.
after getting to my destination i actually felt refreshed rather then tired so after 24km of biking i was way "better" than when i woke up, altough i didn't eat much for breakfast. only my ass was hurting because the seat is not so komfortable now that i have less fat on my ass then when i got the bycicle. on the way back while i felt myself here i knew exactly when to stop for 5 mins to sit down a bit and relax, eat something ect. i also after resting for 4-5 mins automatically went into stretching all my muscles involved, again it "felt" natural without thinking like if my muscles were asked for it and i did it for them...kinda like "i am relaxed now relax me as my muscles too" and so after i got home again i had "more energy" than i ever had during the day, refreshed, energized and with some pain in the ass :) and actually this was the first time when i did not enjoy the ride but were joy within and as the ride/track/bike/my body as myself as all.
today i also moved myself from the same starting point of equality within and as the body, but now i did carpentry, and altough i tended to get lost more in the mind i pushed myself to stop myself and all the other "disturbing factors" like singing in my head or wanting to turn on radio or planning ahead.
and on the furniture i'm making it is clearly seen when were where i got lost or even became frustrated or angry but stopped myself again and again till nothing else remainde but me and my breath.
i commint myself to investigate and apply myself within and as all movements i see/go through and change the starting point to what is best for all and see/realize myself.
also interesting that i had some nearly-accidental-cut of myself but when the slip happened i was again here so it did not cause harm at all, and this is how me support me is this process of bringing myself back here, breathing, birthing from the physical.
in an equal money system everyone will have plenty of time to investigate/listen to themselves and will be able to sort out their own self created illusions/abuse and stop it so it will stop manifesting within the world we experience as all.