today i realized myself and finally found out what makes me fall back into my chit-chatter personality when having others around me.
i was in school today and after some time as the others talked around me i allowed myself to loose myself and join the conversation even if it had no practical purpose or use, only doing verbal diaherra.

and i also see this a lot in the classroom with others (which is a clear indication to me) that two are talking about something half loud and a third one even if from the other corner of the room (4-6meters away) are talking/yelling into it and when more groups talk like this it creates a massive "noise".
so this is all due to wanting to be part of a group, which is fear from being alone which comes from the good-ol point of fear of death.
and actually this social behaviour is first forced and/or taught to children by parents who say "go talk with the other kid" or when guests coming over the child experiances grouptalks where either everyone talks with everyone while rapidly changing context and topic or creating small groups of people 2-4 and talking about a topic for a longer period of time...and this happens also when parents throw a party (mostly birthday or christmas or such) where different aged and interest people get together and try to have a conversation with someone "best suited" for them in order to be able to communicate, because if i look at it in common sense one cannot communicate about something that he/she has no knowladge of at all. or at least it is not preferred. so we learn that in order to be able to charge huge amounts of energy into the mind by debating, conversing and such then the most common laws rules: 1+1=2 which in this case means the more people are in the conversation the more energy you get (the more excited, feel good ect.) so and as the mind is on survival for energy this creates the common sense program of "go talk to people the more the bigger the group, the better" and because this ain't enough for todays kids and tired adults we also mix this with entertainment to prolong the exposure to groups.
if we would take away ALL the bullshit we converse about, well we would definately speak less yet would stand within and as every word we speak.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think "i want to be part of it"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the thought "i want to be part of it" and exist within and as it
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to be part of a group thus seperating myself from the group
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from a group of beings here.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i am alone when i am not within and as a group of beings.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleieve that i am not a group itself within and as life as all as one and equal.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realize that i am part of the group of beings that are existing therefore i cannot be excluded from the group unless i allow myself to seperate myself from myself and from the group.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that a group is superior to and individual.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think i am alone when no being is seen around me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone based on the fear of death
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death based on the assumtion/belief that if i am alone i am dead.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect being alone to death
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dewfine being alone wtihin and as death
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the emotion of being left alone
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experiance the emotion of being left alone/loneliness
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experiance of the emotion of loneliness within and as me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to the emotion of loneliness to exist within and as me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my preception of how many beings are in my immediate vicinity within and as thoughts feelings and emotions.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word "alone" with a negative value
i forgive myself for accepting and alloving myself to see the word "alone" as negative/bad/wrong
i forgive myself fro accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" by seeing i as something negative/bad/wrong.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to the color white
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" within and as the color white
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from the color white through defining the word "alone" within and as the color white
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to cold
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" within and as cold
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself t seperate myself from the word "alone" and from cold by defining the word "alone" within and as cold
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to the emotion of sadness
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" within and as the emotion of sadness
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from the emotion of sadness throguh defining the word "alone" within and as the emotion of sadness
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to the thought of "noone cares about me"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" wihtin and as the thought of "noone cares about me"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from the thought of "noone cares about me throguh defining the word "alone" within and as the thought of "noone cares about me"
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to being dead
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myswelf to define the word "alone" within and as being dead
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from being dead throuugh defining the word "alone" within and as being dead
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to peace
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" within and as peace
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from peace through defining the word "alone" within and as peace
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to the memory of me walking on the streets when i escaped from home
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" within and as this particular memory
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from this particular memmory
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to freedom
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing to define the word "alone" within and as freedom
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from freedom through defining the word "alone" within and as freedom
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to trust
i frogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word alone within and af trust
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and from trust
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "alone" to the word secret
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "alone" within and as secret
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "alone" and secret throguh defining the word "alone" within and as secret
i forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself a picture of an empty white walled room to exist within and as me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the picture of a white walled empty room to the emotion of being alone.

when i see myself go into the pattern of speaking to someone only to exist within and as mind constructs of thoughts feelings emotions pictures and memories, i stop, breathe and apply mself and walk through it.
before i speak any words i check myself and clear myself from all of the bullshit apply myself, release the bullshit accumulated within and as me with self-forgiveness and corrective application.
the word-play means that we shearch for groups to talk to like a sonar "ping" of a submarine.