Day 30: Stop Stand up and Change...

here, i finish myself.

this sentence moves many thoughts in a mind, mostly it is seen as a last sentence of a suicider, or when someone just cut you while you talked, but in some small amount of cases this means "i stop myself".

since i started to get more and more into my process, i still saw myself going into the patterns of keeping with old habits and postponing myself again and again saying this will be the last date...no MORE!

it's not baceuse of time, it's not because i force myself to do it-neither have worked before.
here i direct myself because this is what and who i am...i am self direction, and i am not directing from the starting point of controlling myself as a seperate entity because that is just fucking myself over and up even more, no, enough of this shit!

when i look at myself, and dare i go looking, i see myself as the entirety of what i am...but it is like when we look into the sun, we can barely stand it, but in this case it is only because i BELIEVE it is shining that much, in reality it is more of a dark deep endless black hole than anything else...because it is not real.

so here i am as myself, directing myself from the starting point of myself and doing what is best for all.

i commit myself to stop myself from participating within and as my own accepted and allowed bullshit which is only here to distract, postpone or stop me from becoming who and what i am and to prevent me from realizing myself as all as one and equal.

i commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to go into the pattern of creating a time loop for myself and fail over and over again based on my not wanting to see and stop myself as myself as self direction within and as here in the physical.

is stop, it takes a moment of standing before of the endless moments of standing here as all as one and equal.

yet this is not the moment i'm done. i will never be "done". i walk this infinitely and stand and get up and stand and stop anything that is not myself and not real to exist within and as myself and within and as the world.