2012-06-27

Day 39: Realising Change

so here i am walking and while walking also "had to see" what is in front of my eyes-that change is evident and i must reconsider my dayly application of myself.


when a child learns we all know that learning is gradually built up from the simple things to the most complex and advanced concepts and understandings. and what i find is that the amount of time spent with the actual learning/practicing also should increase because the material mostly widens and altough not always gets slower to understand but expand to more points to do investigation on.

same goes to the Desteni I Process i'm walking here. as lessons progress the more and more i dwell into myself and see more and more constructs and "have to" (meaning i decided to do it) work on and investigate more points/aspects of myself regardless of my other dayly activities. and because i am living in a restricted timeframe i have to (again self-direction) arrange and direct myself through my day and stop any activities that are not supportive.

and this is a concept i cannot see within the world today. a toddler is at home freeroaming around the house learning everything at 16/7 basis and just goes on and on and on never stopping, just for refuel and recharge (eat-sleep ect.) then after growing a bit the kid gets into a kindergarten where it spends 5-6 hrours mostly with basic social activities and playing with others and SOME learning. then at home again either gets programmed to entertin itself (TV videogames ect.) or just goes around and explores the world and it's aspects. then comes elementary where the youngsters are staying 6-8hours a day and must concentrate and keep a steady body(calm the body fire up the mind) and then at home many kids start to compensate either with sports or wiht entertainment. then while going up on the education list one is only "studying" less and less/day/week and are demanded to know more and more Information and knowledge. but this is contreversal-because one can only achieve results if they increase the learning time also-but that is taking away the relaxation time or self-care time and i'm not even counting in that many students even have to work part-time jobs!

re-allocating for me is currently more than doable, later when i will work i will see and find a way that i can keep up with myself.

but hey why am i writing this out? well basically judgement, fear, lies, stressing of oneself- these are all points to work on let's start:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to the education system and where i am placed within it.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the education system for what i am doing and that it is taking away too much time based on my self-created idea of how, what, and how long i should learn something.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing time due to doing an activity for too long and forgetting about other activities i planned for the day.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself the backdoor of forgetting something based on me not wanting to take responsibility for my decisions.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for my decisions about my life.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the decisions i make(have made)
i forgive myself for accepting ad and allowing myself to seperate myself from the education system
i frogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the time i spend with activities.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from my process of learning something and incorporating it into my dayly routine.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility based on that i will have to maintain to take responsibility for myself forever.
I forgvie myself that i have accepted and allowed myseld to fear maintaining my commitments and committing myself to something ethernally.
i frogvie myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being standing as a point wihtin and as infinty based on the idea that i cannot stand for ethernity based on that i am existing in a finite frame.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as something finite.

i forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realise when i have to change wihtin and as myself in order to support myself fully and be able to walk my process with comfor and constant dedication and participation.

when and as i see myself going into judgeing myself and my process based on my and other's past, i stop, breathe, and let go of the points and realise that in fact all things are one and equal to and as myself therefore any judgement woud be me judgeing myself and therefore supress and abuse myself during this process.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of not seeing understanding and realising myself within and as mys process.i stop, breathe, and work on the points that come up.

i commit myself to write/investigate myself here wihtin and as breath at least 1.5 hours a day. no exceptions allowed.
i commit myself to learning and realising what is here and let myself support myself within and as equality and oneness.

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