2012-06-27

Day 41: Standing HERE...for all

today i got a really supportive event i made myself into.

so i stopped for someone who "sells" something that aids nature in a way, so i went on and by the realisation that i am allowing myself to hear myself(in her) so i went on and asked about it she described the main features then we started to converse about the system and how it's really flawed.

the point is_i also introduced her to the equalmoneysystem in a nutshell and the desteniiprocess_that i could be here...and this is "new" because before when talking to someone or sharing my oppinions and views i always just looked around often, and looked at myself and basically tried to see a point of stability outside myself, something to hang onto while speaking those blabbering.

Chattingyet today i was, altough my body signalled it needed some rest in the legs from the previous running/parkour training, stable, and also relaxed. first i had a little tension when starting to talk about EMS and DIP but i was able to stop it while being here in breath...yes first real time discussing these points AND being aware of myself "fully" (meaning as much as i was able to till this point). and i could just look at her eye 98% of the time, sharing myself as what i walk & support and i could be aware of every word that came out of my mouth and i was speaking fluedly...i really used to blabber A LOT starting from the age when i started to speak, back then i couldn't stop myself from speaking, yet HERE i can be what i speak and share myself unconditionally. all i saw is just as i looked at the screen when finding Desteni. so there were i in front of me, while i gave support to myself. this is not about the experiance-this is what a being would normally do-being aware sharing unconditionally, supporting and doing what's best for all-so it is cool to see this change to support myself with keeping myself to my commitments.

do i still need motivation? oh man! well no and yes.

i no longer need motivation to walk this process yet the support i give/get and the feedback is always showing me EXACTLY the way i'm heading - just like the VH (virtual horizon) on a plane. from there i can correct or keep on walking myself. so i do not need it yet it's supportive.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and the amount i speak.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the one recieving what i share in separation
i forgivew myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from what i share and the amount of it.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from the being recieving what i share.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from what i share with others as myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see understand and realise when only my mind is tired while my body shows otherwise.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realise what and when my body is showing me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear collapsing/panting.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing control of my body based on me panting/collapsing
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death based on the fear of loosing control based on the fear of collapsing/panting
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the fear of collapsing/panting, the fear of loosing control, the fear of death.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realise that when my body-as me- collapses/pants it is only a sign of accumulated acceptance and allowance of my participations, and here to assist and support in realising myself.

when and as i see myself going into the pattern of overthinking and worrying about my physical condition, i stop, breathe, forgive myself and support myself within and as common sense and provide my body with what it needs in order to function properly.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of judgeing and separating myself from what i share, i stop, breathe, forgive myself, and realise that i am in fact one and equal to and as what i share here and it's only here to assist and suport in showing myself to myself for me to realise myself.

i commit myself to share and discuss points which i have walked/walking, with anyone who's agreed to listen from the point of self-support.
i commit myself to listen and investigate my body further and it's functions and signs in order to be able to see what my body is showing me in common sense and to be able to support my body the best way i can.
i commit myself to stop all judgement wihtin and as myself, and to forgvie and release any and all points of judgement or separation within and as myself.
i commit myself to continue seeing/looking at other beings as one and equal to me, and so stopping the separation towards/from other's based on the realisation that i am in fact one and equal as all beings here.

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