2012-06-27

Day 42: Self-Honesty in Life

This world is full of lies and distrust and distractions and traps, all that which we create ourselves...

what does a child learn about Honesty when seeing this world? it exists but either one does not do it with others to save it's own ass (self-interest) or if one is completely brutally honest with others it's get kicked and get taken it's posessions or rights or many people will just hate him for showing their nature to them...but what a kid really sees in most human it encounters is that 99% of them are dishonest TO THEMSELVES. yes we look around shearch for it yet many times fail to see self-honesty in action. therefore we get used to it, get tired of shearching for it and just stand in line with everyone else.

in my life i went this same process while growing up. first i didn't know what's wrong with the world, then it baceam what's wrong with me, then it just disappeared. until i found Desteni. here i found humans who are as mortal as stranded(were) as programmed as i was and they showed and made a clear example of what and how to live self-honesty. of course i was amazed by this phenomenon. then while starting to walk here and stop myself from abusing and supressing myself and participating within and as my dayly shit i realised that self-honesty is not so hard at all, only if i give into my backchat and doubts about myself...but even then i can in one breath realise that i am doubting - misunderstanding myself and i am doing something "impossible" to maintain and control yet i wanted to control...but it's not about controlling yourself. it's about being the directive principle of yourself, bringing myself back here, breathing, walking my process step-by-step.

of course before i started i was completely self-dishonest to myself as anyone, didn't care about anything but my prescious ego and all the non-real things i just accepted to be real when the points do not exist here in the physical at all.
yet there are some moments of vigilance where i said"hey, what the fuck am i doing???" but then these moments went away because i did not take self-responsibility and investigate myself, based on i was too much busy with entertaining myself and finding new ideas to accept from the mind of myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care about my past, instead of realising that i am the manifested consequence of my past and i cannot evade nor supress myself as my past.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from my past and any and all experiences i lived through.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on the experiances i had, and only see understand myself based on the experiances i had.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from experiencing somtheing based on that i judge an experiance to be seperate from me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from experiencing something while in fact it is myself existing here only.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to decide what i will do/exist as in the future based on what i see around me, reacting to my enviroment, and giving my power away to let myself be controlled by my direct and indirect enviroment and exist only as an organic robot of influence and reactions.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate/question why and how it is that which i see/experience in others in day-to-day living.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to continue investigating, listening,understanding how the world and beings work/exist as and allow myself to only adopt to the system without consideration of anything whatsoever.

i commit myself to continue seeing understanding and realising how and why the world works the way it is and investigate and participate within solutions that create and manifest what is best for all equally
i commit myself to continue to be completely honest with me, directing and assisting myself here within and as breath, and take on any and all point i encounter, investigating, forgiving and releasing/correcting myself wihtin and as them.
i commit myself to show any beings how and what i have walked within my life, without any supressed detail.
i commit myself to not allow myself to go into shame and guilt of what i have done and live the consequences of, and stand as an example for all who are to start their process of resolving and birthing oneself here wihtin and as the phyisical.
i commit myself to support myself here and everyone else within and as total self-honesty.
i commit myself to stop wanting to be in control and instead develop myself to be my directive principle to live within and as and establish a oneness and equality here wihtin and as the physical, starting with myself.

redefining the word:"honesty"

the way i saw this word is that it was told to me to be honest to my parents and tell the truth every time they ask me something. altough when i did things they didn't like or wanted me not to do it i always got punishment for it, not just words but actual physical punisment, not so tough but enough to make me go into the other direction, also my brother were more abused than me so in fear of death i started to 'bend' the truth and start being less honest to my parent's, yet most of the time they found out about it and the punishment came, so mostly i could not escape from the punishment only when i gre older and decided to run away physically out from the house when they would start it...
so mostly i got this also at school to be honest with the elders and if you tell the truth you will prevail...well in 1-4th grade i was every day bullied by others and i were brave enough to take up the fight and when the teacher got us i ALWAYS told what happened, the other kid of course lied and i was always the one who got punished for it...bad grades bad attitude from teachers ect. so i had to learn to lie and cheat because one can only get away with that-or so i believed.

so honsety was something i rarely use only if my life depends on it by asking for help and such...

Dictionary definition:

    honesty:The act, quality, or condition of being honest; to be truthful --- then look at:

    honest (comparative more honest, superlative most honest)

        (of a person or institution) Scrupulous with regard to telling the truth; not given to swindling, lying, or fraud; upright.

            We're the most honest people you will ever come across.

        (of a statement) True, especially as far as is known by the person making the statement; fair; unbiased.

            an honest account of events; honest reporting

        In good faith; without malice.

            an honest mistake

        (of a measurement device) Accurate.

            an honest scale

        Authentic; full.

            an honest day's work

        Earned or acquired in a fair manner.

            an honest dollar

so much thing in one word.

let's play around with the sounds of it:

honest I, on is tea, hon ist e,How one is tee,  "őszinteség"-ő szinte te féleség meaning "he is like you sort-of"

it have a positive chare to me...

creative writing of definitions:

the act of stopping fears of oneself and daring to look at something and express it's reality, to see understand and realise what is here, to express the realisation of what is here, to stop giving into backchat and hide/run away from what is here, to see the starting point of something, to see if one's participation in the mind,

final redefined meaning of the word "Honesty":
The act/action/expression of understanding and realising what is here and the starting point of one's actions and consequences, and stopping oneself from hiding and running away from seeing understanding and realising reality by being the directive principle to face reality or a being as itself in it's totality.


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