2012-06-27

Day 53: Politeness

i was taught from the very beginning of my childhood to how to behave with others and to control myself when i do something or interact with someone.

and based on that they are the ones who lived longer than me in this world i accepted their every word and followed the path shown to me.

nowadays a part of this construct is coming up as i still participate within and as it, because i did clean up the point of cultural behavior and mannerism yet not stood and walked the path in the point of talking.

communication is crucial in our current society because everyone makes ssumptions of each other instantly and if you do not communicate that what they assume is actually not true then the take it as a fact and believe that you accept and allow the truth they assumed because you are not "defending your truth" so they also believe that based on this they can force their truth/assumption onto you and act accordingly. what a MESS.

so when i was a chld i was taught how to speak to/with others, what to say when to say how to say and many many times what NOT to say to who, and what NOT to do with who. yes 80% of the time i heard "don't do that!" "don't say that!""how dare you say that?!""know your place and behave!" actually i heard these so many times that it became part of me based on my own acceptance and allowance. i created a voice in my head in the subcoscious mind who tells me these sentences over and over again and this way i "make myself" do what i tell myself to do. and of course the social levels(circles) and situation-based restrictions, emotion expressions, all are perfectly controlled and maintained and our very expression of ourselves are always limited and always considered the time, day,year,other persons and their relationship to you, your relationship to them,where you are,what you are doing, how you look, how you smell, how much time you are doing with them, how long you know them, what relationship level you are with them and vice versa and the list goes on and on and on. all these rules and considerations run 24/7/365 in my head! of course i was not aware of it so it doesn't bother me at all, there were moments where i actually heard my own voice in my head saying the above sentences but just completed the order and moved on.

so one of the lessons regarding communication with others actually based on common sense...which is as follows:"if someone speaks to you, you must answer!" it is based on common sense because without you answering or reacting in any way then NO communication happen at all...so you must answer IF YOU ARE AGREEING TO COMMUNICATE. but i as a little mind robot accepted the way that every time i must communicate.

later i even fell on the other side when i was high egoist in my head and believed i know everything about a human and how it works and functions, i actually not even waited for the other to finish the sentence or text and replied with speaking into the other persons speaking-of course every time louder than the other...this was also caused by the thought"noone listens to me" and the fact that i believed myself superior while i was actually placing myself in an inferior position and therefore wanting to conquer the other by cutting him/her in his communication and forcing my message. of course all this without even knwoing about it at all.

so the point i missed is that i still try to answer every question i get, yet i get many quwstions that the common sense explains (if the person asking would see common sense it qouldn't be a question at all) and i can only answer or question back in a way that it is ridiculus meaning actually questioning the meaning of the question based on that i want to be "right" that if the other one realise the meninglessness of the question then i win boost to ego and proceed. the other situation is when they don't see why i question back and thus they feel offended by me and react accordingly. taking it back to me - i still not worked on how to direct myself when i am being questioned in my participation/actions/spoken words.

as i look at myself in honesty i see one solution based on a realisation: not answering is an answer too. one which means i am not going into communicating about that. altough when not answering it doesn't means i can allow myself to "let go" of the point without considering everything and taking back the points to myself-that would be supression which i am not allowing myself anymore.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive that the one who talks/give words to another is superior in the moment.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belive that during communication one always have to be superior and the other inferior based on that they cannot communicate simultaniously because then neither of them understands the information given by the other.
i forgive mysefl forf accepting and allowing myself to not see understand and realise that here within the physical every sound in every moment of a communication is equal and that i am judgeing the information and the way of giving it.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the way other beings give information to me in the form of communication.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the information being given to my by communication from other beings as either positive negative or neutral.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within and as communication and the information i give to other beings.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from the giver of information in a communication and the information itself.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cummincate and act only based on my preprogramming and to not question the grown-ups when they tell me how to communicate but blindly accept the way i am being shown.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and my expression within and as communication.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity construct around the action of communication and exist within and as either superiority or inferiority.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to be superior based on the feeling of inferiority and thus limit others within communication by cuttin in their speaking/expressing.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realise that i create my inferiority based on the thoughts, feelings and emotions i am participating wihtin my mind and thusreact to this feeling of inferiority with the action of forcing myself onto others and limiting others in order to feel myself superior.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate wihtin and as superiority and inferiority construct wihtin and as communication and limit myself to only express myself according to this reaction.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i have to answer every question i am asked and not consider the question or any common sense regarding the question or the situation or the answer.
i forigve myself for accepting and allowing myself to force myself to answer every question based on the belief that i have to.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the belief that i must answer every question.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inferior if i am not participating within and as a conversation.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i can only express myself with communicationg with others.

i realise that when i am not answering a question asked from me that is actually an expression of myself

when and as i see myself going into the pattern of creating and participating within and as a superiority/inferiority polarity before/while/after communication, i stop, breathe, forgive the points i allowed myself, and communicate within and as self-expression here tkaing both myself and the other being and the information into equal consideration.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of wanting/desiring to answer a question based on reactions i stop, breathe, look at the question in common sense and direct myself to answer or not while considering every possible point here.
when and as i see myself participating wihtin and as backchat to control myself and my actions/behavior,i stop, breathe, investigate the points of the backchat and forgive and release the points one by one, breath by breath and direct myself to become my directive principle and to not allow anything else to control or manipulate me based on my acceptances and allowances.

i commit myself to investigate write out and process all my backchat personalities and points and allow myself to be and become my own directive principle and thus direct myself to/towards doing what is best for all.
i commit myself to stop my participation within communication when i see and realize that i am only reacting to the other being and not applying myself here within and as common sense communication and self expression.
i commit myself to allow myself and give myself time to consider and investigate points and participations and common sense before replying or answering someone.
i commit myself to be aware of every word i speak based on the realisation that i am the living words i speak therefore i direct myself to speak only which i am as the living words as life

redefining "question":

i have living this word as a negatively charged word mostly because i was asked more questions than i asked from others-based on my ego of "i know better" and so manifested that others often asked me questions which i was "must answer" so most of the time i didn't want to answer questions-yet at the saem time i also wanted to share myself generating a friction-but this is another post/point to go/write.
a question was always a point of not-understanding something OR asking for (hopefully) stored information. thus always existing in a polarity of the questioner being less than the one being questioned or vice versa

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word "question" with a negative value/charge
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word "question" to negativity
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word "question" to knowledge
i forgive myself that i have acepted and allowed myself to define the word "question" as negative/bad/wrong
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word "question" within and as knowledge
i forgive myself that i have acccepted and allowed myself toseperate myself from the word "question" and from knowledge through defining the word "question" wihtin and as knowledge
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "question" to inferiority
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "question" within and as inferiority
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "question" and from inferiority through defining the word "question" within and as inferitority
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word "question" to being dumb/stupid
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the word "question" wihtin and as being dumb/stupid
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from the word "question" and from being dumb/stupid throguh defining the word "question" wihtin and as being dumb/stupid
i forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself to connect the word "question" to the image of a question-mark(a curvy shape on vertically arranged and a dot beneath it)
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "question" wihtin and as the picture of a question-mark
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "question" and from the image of a question-mark trhough defining the word "question" within and as the image of a question-mark
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word "question" to insecurity
i forgive myself that i have accepted andallowed myself to define the word "question" within and as insecurity
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from the word "question" and from insecurity trough defining the word "question" wihtin and as insecurity.

dictionary definition:

    A question may be either a linguistic expression used to make a request for information, or else the request itself made by such an expression. This information may be provided with an answer.

    Questions are normally put forward or asked using interrogative sentences.

sounding the word:

quest i on(the quest is finding an answer), no eye to see you(backwards spelled:noitseuq, meaning i don't see/uinderstand/realise something seperate from me),no it suck(if i don't see the answer i suck)

creative definitions:

an expresion of not understanding a point, asking for assistance and support, expressing being halted/stuck in process of understanding/applying, asking in order to be sure of experiencing what is here as the physical(cross-referencing), gathering information which one has been unaware,

Final definition of "Question":

An expression of the state of being unaware to certain degree(0%-99%) of a point or information, and asking/requesting another being to assist and support in the process of becoming aware of oneself within and as the point/information.

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