2012-06-26

Day 7: Fund(a)mental

 2012-04-29


so while walking here, i see myself and realize the most fundamental thiungs about myself and how i have made things for me fundamental...but where does even this word comes from?

according to the wikitonary:
From Late Latin fundamentalis, from Latin fundamentum (foundation), from fundare (to lay the foundation (of something), to found), from fundus (bottom)
what i see in this word is as it's written and sayed out: found a mental thing (or meant all thing) which is again interesting because found can both mean starting something like a company of a building but also means to find something in the past.
so it's either finding a mental thing which is handled to you by someone outside yourself, or creating the base of a mental thing(creating a system within and as the mind) and when i look to this word i actually see all three meanings together.

the problem is when we create or find a fundamental thing and bild ideas, preceptions,concepts around it we gelt lost in those created matrixes and forget to question the fundamentals of it. for example we grow up and develop skills to be a "normal" human in this world yet we never get to question or even investigate ourselves and how we become what we are. not even wanting to see our motives and starting points and kinda like wanting the fundamental things to not exist yet we are defined by them in every moment.
and this point again is part of every moment of everyone's life. some scientists question fundamentals but only within a limited amount of framework where you can analyse and categorize the data and create yet another matrix to define it...
and this is why we do not see understand realize and mostly do not want to accept that we have been pre-designed and pre-programmed from the very beginning of our existance as humans here, maybe even before that.
but it is common sense that if we do not know and actively aware of our fundamentals then we are always "lost" in the complexity and the detail of the matrixes upon matrixes upon matrixes of creations. because there are so many yet not infinite points and parts that while we allow ourselves to seperate our selves from them that this way it becomes overwhelmingly much (only we judge it that) and so we fall down stop looking at them...then when we eventually recover we start taking them into us again at a slower pace or with more caution or with less awareness therfore it won't overload our consciousness.
funny that the fundamentals are so simple and easy to be aware that after realizing myself within and as my fundamentals literally "it completely blew my mind" and this is assisting and supporting me to see and understand myself outside of the mind with and as it. because i cannot be seperate from it nor i want to. yet when the overload happens i am able to actually stand up within and as myself wtih and as the mind and take a change as one and equal eventually keeping my stand and actually changing.
when do i self realize? when i find a foundamental part of my mind and from there able to trace how it developed, created matrixes within and as like a tree connections after connections and be able to map the whole thing out and there see the whole construct in it's totalyti and never get lost in the details.
from there i am able to take my self responsibility. i am because without that the whole construct would be there till the mind as me exists(which is only an illusion i create) so the foundation of reality is that everything i ever discovered is myself and based on my acceptance and allowance and/or participation within and as it. EVERY POINT.
what's the solution?how to take self-responsibility? easy...what do you do when you do something and then you realize that you did not want to do it? ask for forgiveness...but wait. if noone and nothing is actually seperate from you then who will you gonne ask forgiveness from?...exactly it is only you who can forgive youself. this is called self-forgiveness. anything else is only based on assumptions beliefs and ideas that separation is real and ect. so it is common sense that self-forgiveness is the key to solving our points. because when you forgive yourself i let go of the point (which actually never existed only just because i constantly created and maintained it) and so it dissolves to nothingness. and slowly, systematically, clearing these matrixes, trees of points down back to the very foundations of our accepted and allowed world.
from there we can actually create things while we are aware of the foundations, even can change the foundations to for example "do what is best for all beings in oneness and equality" and from that foundation-point everything we create will reflect it's foundation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost n the matrixes of points where i actively participate within and as therefore create and define existance as a whole within and as myself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realize that every point is coming from a foundation-point within i have accepted and allowed myself to be pre-designed and pre-programmed and to never question or investigate it.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realize the totality of existance within and as myself with the foundation and all the connected points to it.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand realise and be aware of the foundations of the points i experiance and exist within and as myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allwoing myself to see understand and realize how self-forgiveness works and why it is only self-forgiveness that is real.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belive that anything i experieance and being communicated by my brain to being seperate from me is actualy seperate from me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allwoing myself to seperate myself from things i am shown to be seperate within and as my mind within and as my pre-programming

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself my pre-programming and pre-defined existance within and as myself
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my pre-programming and pre-defined existance of and as myself

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up and stop my self accepted endless creation of points which only done in order to enslave myself within and as the matrixes of points and to get lost within and as the constructs.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within and as my self creation and regurgitation of points within and as matrixes.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realize myself within and as what is here as existance.

when and as i see myself going into this pattern of endless creation of points in order to limit myself and stop and limit my self-awareness of myself, i stop, breathe, bring myself back here and forgive myself for any and all the points i have created and manifested within and as myself as all as one nad equal.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of getting lost within and as the matrixes of points, i stop, breathe, bring myself back here realise myself and take corrective actionwithin and as my direct or indirect participation within and as myself and existance..

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