2012-06-26

Day 9: "self"defense vs. standing up

2012-05-01

today while doing the self forgiveness in the material, aloud i had many many resistance-like happenings which made me realize myself.

so i was voicing those forgivenesses and i started to feel uncomfortable within how i sit on my really used sit-out office chair. so i moved around while doing more and continuing, not allowing myself to be distracted or terminated. it did not change, i constantly felt this uncomfortability within and as my legs and chest area...then while breathing i saw myself before i went into the point of yawning...so i stopped it while going on with SF.
also after a time i catched myself starting to think about other things too yet i did not follow them just pushed through...then i started to become dry-mouthed and hungry at the same time...yet it was obvius that i as the mind try to stop and distract myself from taking self-responsibility within and as my self-forgiveness so while being aware of this i did not stop even for a slight chance for distraction...breathed here between and through the sentences, was aware of every breath i took and even my chest muscle of how it is taking part in forming the words.
after doing it for a while pushing through it just passed away and by the end of the list only two things reamined, my pain/uncomfort of my body, this is due to that i have overworked it 2 days before and still haven't fully recovered yet, the second was hunger...that was simply a sign to eat something.
all the other points of ridiculus try's to disturb and distract me gone...poof. and it is really funny to see myself throwing everything at me to stop myself from self-forgiveness...and it is a cool support that i can do it no matter what happens within me and how hard i try to stop myself...like now my eyes are kinda heavy from the 3 hours of reading before yet i am here, breathing and writing this blog not allowing myself to go into bed and skip this day based on me not wanting to take self responsibility for myself...
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and participate within and as self-sabotages by thoughts/feelings/emotions/judgements/preceptions
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do self-forgiveness without me trying to sabotage myself within and as the mind within and as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself self-sabotage to exist within and as me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive i have to defend myself within and as the mind from taking self-responsibility and doing self-forgiveness.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate and mimic physical reactions and sesations in order to divert my attention and to take me away from being here as one and equal as breath
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self-responsibility within and as the mind based on the belief that doing so will make me as the mind stop existing.
i forgive myself for accepting and allwoing myself to beleive within and as the mind that i can only be/exist if i am not here within and as reality within and as breath/self-forgiveness/self-responsibility.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself within and as the mind from doing self-forgiveness and taking self-corrective action in order to be and become one and equal within and as life for what is best for all.
i forgive myself for acceting and allowing myself within and as my mind to belive that i am not one and equal to what is here within and as the pysical and that i am seperate from and as the physical reality.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want need desire my only survival wihtin and as the mind and to not consider all of existance within and as one nad equal to me
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become selfish within and as the mind based on the belief that i am seperate from existance therefore is can non-exist within and as reality.
i commit myself to walking this process of bringing myself here within and as the physical reality with and within and as the mind
i commit myself to see understand and realize myself whenever i seperate myself from what is here and from the mind.
i am one and equal within and as the mind. there is no need nor use to deny or try to hide this. i am what i accept allow create and the creation process itself, therefore i am taking my self-resposibility and standing up within and as myself as all as what i am.

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