Day 77: Directing

realise: the chair is empty...where are you?
I noticed an interesting pattern which i investigate here regarding directing...art...or really anything we make.

Throught my life this far i've been watching plenty of films, played a lot of games, saw a lot of theater acts, seen plenty of pictures and creations what we call ART...and one thing and one thing only is certain and the same in all of them...these products, because that is what we make from them eventually, are all been directed by one or more beings...

Day 76: there is no middle line

yep that's clear...no way to do something in between two polarities...


Day 75: Waiting part 2

So i left off in the previous post (Waiting part 1) at the types of waiting.
also i saw this video about what "professionals" have to say about waiting:


Day 73-74: Fear of murder

Here I walk the point/memory in my life where I first encountered the fear being murdered.


Day 72: waiting part 1

waiting are one of the most commonly done action by humans in this world...and we wait and wait and wait even for things that will never come by themselves...and then we even forget about that we have been waiting for that, and another moment we remember it...but WTF is it?


Day 71: Highly Upgraded Mind As Nonsense

yes that is what human speels out...we made ourselves "evolve" as the mind and consciousness where we went more and more into insanity and abuse of anything around us based on the justification that we are apparently seperate from anything...
this is a continuation of the previous post: Day 70: "I am just a human being"


Day 70: "I'm just a human being"

through my lifetime here i've lived this sentence in plenty of different views from different perspectives yet never really understood or stand as it.


Day 69: The Victim of myself

Today i realised with the assistance of my body and the group and of course finally taken back to myself what i see constantly next to me in my living-mates behaviour...and this is the point of self-victimization.


Day 68: Listening to myself

As I have told myself in my previous days throughout my life
I always thought of myself as something taken for granted and thus I never considered myself something that should be worked on or listened to because my self was always untouchable and I never considered myself as an actual being. I never really looked at myself in the way to analyze or realize myself what I did was just normal to me and never read coming to trying to explain to myself why or how I'd do something...


Day 67: Being one and equal with the computer

Today I am writing by only dictating to a program which is capable of understanding what I say.
this is a really interesting To see something being done what I haven't seen possible.


Day 66: Fear of Falling

Here i expose and write out this point of fearing from falling while also wanting to be in a high place as a contradiction and friction within myself...


Day 65: Walking in Time

yes i know i missed out days...yet it is like not at all happened, yet i cannot reverse this i cannot pretend it's not hapened, it did. and i missed opportunities to be here and write myself out.
yet got to the end of this.

when i were in the mind about what i do dayly what to do next in line and whatnot the decisions tend to slip off to the direction of NOT walking the process... based on that it is not good for the mind because it diminishes and uncovers the secret agenda where i wage war against myself and everything and that i am. thus if i allow myself to be controlled and posessed by this i am not effective at anything else than staring in front of myself...thinking.


Day 63-64: Relaxation -solution- part 3

this is the continuation of the last 2 posts:
Part 1:Genesis
Part 2: Missing a day

so here comes all the self forgiveness  for the points:


Day 62: Relaxation -missing a day- part 2

this is a continuation of the previous post:Relaxation -Genesis- part 1 where i started to go into the basics of where i started to build my characters and whatnot regarding these points.

It is clear here, i had allowed myself to "develop" quite a big mess in/as myself and even let myself be posessed by this point to such an extent that miss entire days of my life where i am just 98% up in the mind "entertaining" myself-as the mind, completely miss my breaths and only staring at something the whole day and basically literally do NOTHING about ALL DAY LONG. yept that's 16 out of 18 hrs of 100%pure SELF-ABUSE!(the rest 2 is a must-maintain-and-regulate-body things)


Day 61: Relaxatiation -Genesis- part 1

these couple of days i got into another manifestation of a character i allowed myself to exist within and as my whole life...took me 3 days to realise...and will take more to walk it out so here's the first step working with the problem with writing:


Day 59-60: Wrath of Thunder

Being here, pushing through with writing...


Day 58: Me as Money part 1 - Forced into the System by me

in most of my life i was not aware of my money or the usage of it, because till today and even more i am supported and "provided" by my family unit so all the money i got ever i could spend on spare food or luxury things.

Day 57: "Let them come" part 2 - Taking Action

This is a continuation of the previos post: "Let them come" part 1 - the creating

i left off where i realised: i made a decision to keep myself "away" from every human possible based on fear, hatred, misunderstanding and disgust...


Day 56: SOUND as me part 1 - the voice within

my sound and voice i always made it special or at leas as long as i can remember...

when i was a kid i was silent for long...i just liked to observe the world and how others around me use that funny thing i hear, they made high pitch noises, low brumms, and plenty of sounds i could hear before i started to talk.
my 4 count breath manifested in physical sound