2012-07-04

Day 57: "Let them come" part 2 - Taking Action

This is a continuation of the previos post: "Let them come" part 1 - the creating

i left off where i realised: i made a decision to keep myself "away" from every human possible based on fear, hatred, misunderstanding and disgust...

but actually i felt these fears and emotions from myself. i was the main and only cause that these have been allowed in myself at all.

I feared from myself and what i would do to other humans based on the judgements that they will misinterpret/misunderstand what i say but again i was the one who mistinterpreted them and could not understand what i am or others are like.

 based on this fear i judge myself as someone who deserves to be hated and exiled, because from all this shit i seen i wanted to escape...and again escape because i feared that i have to exist in such system which i clearly not wanted because i wanted what is best for me, thus getting away from all bullshit motherfucker while failed to realise that i am that character who i am running from which i have created to be run from it. ultimate mindfuck.

and because i did not look at myself within and as self-honesty i did not see and understand this, i was not even realising that i shouldn't do this so i just kept running and closing out the world and myself from the world creating massive separation and being fully introwert where the things i made up was more real than what i saw, heard,experienced.

yet at the end of every run-there is a exhausted end. and so i am glad to myself that i didn't run THAT long in the stupidity cycle of mine and that i led myself to find Desteni and accept and understand it's message.

so i started slowing myself down from this running, and altough many state falsely that a fully introwerted egoist man can only stop when being hit by a wall...obviusly not true...i am managed to walk here, bring myself back here, breathe and apply myself and stop myself from hitting the pedal to the metal again.

this was not instant, i pushed myself step by step to open up to myself and when i started to open up and realise myself i found that i can open up to anyone the same way within the realisation that we are one and equal.
many illusions about myself just got thrown out the window immediately when i had to restart and DID restart and cleared out myself, and here i engage in more social activity then ever before in my life, and i openly speak with others, yet this still needs walking and letting myself be comfortable.

and actually i enjoy myself when i am actively participate in social activities, and let myself be here end enjoy myself within and as the group. this can be either on the net or outdoors sharing myself and my process and assisting and supporting others with it, not going into being a teacher character is just fun.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist as a character which withdraws from society as a whole yet at the same time being lonely and want to socialise, therefore create an endless cycle of stupidity where two oppositely charged polarities cause friction and thus not allow myself to see and understand the situation i created for myself to not be able to step out of this character.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and believe that other beings are only characters in my life based on what i experienced with them or with any other human being therefore limit myself to see what another being as myself actually is and represents and assists and support with reflecting myself bact to me in order for me to realise and direct myself and what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself only based on my memories of my life and thus create and modify a character within and as myself and exist only wihtin and as that character i defined.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and define many characters within and as myself in order to fit into every possible situation where i experience myself in the vicinity of other beings whom i see as a certain characters and thus act only acccording to my momenterally applied character and stay in that as long as i have to communicate and be with that other being thus always validate their acted out and created characters based on my liking and my character.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the characters i have created and manifested for myself thus ensure i will never step out of character because i created one for every possible outcome in order to be always prepared what can come and happen to me.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the characters i see in other beings based on my experieces of previously met characters i saw and thus validate their character within this fear.
i forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to stop and see and realise myself as a self-created illusion of characters.

when and as i see myself acting out/being a character in order to gain validation from others and validate their characters, i stop, breathe, brng myself back here, and direct myself to step out of character and show myself and the other that it is possible to stop and step out and it's the only real solution to the mess we create in every moment.
when and as i see myself judgeing others based on my created characters and forcing them onto others, i stop, breathe and realise what is here and that it is the only thing that is real and direct myself to not go into anything that is not real but just an illusion such as created and manifested characters.

i commit myself to stop and forgive and release every character i have created and manifested within and as myself in this world.
i commit myself to direct myself to stop and delete every fear, judgement, illusion i have created and participated within and as.
i commit myself to show other beings as an example that one can exist and live only without being a character and thus that it is the only solution that is best for all.
i commit myself to direct and push myself whenever i see a point of resistance to/towards taking action within myself or in a group.


redefining:"Act":

i lived this word as a means of sudden moves or something that has a consequence later, where if i do something that effects someone/something else.
i have been the giver of this word in a way that i said to other to take action and do something to effect themselves/or what they want in order to achieve something.
thus i have assigned a positive charge to it, that it is encouraging and great to give this word.
also i judged this word to be of great significance based on the fact that it always have a consequence/effect

dictionary definition:

Noun

act (countable and uncountable; plural acts)
  1. (countable) Something done, a deed.
    An act of good will.
  2. (countable) A product of a legislative body, a statute.
  3. The process of doing something.
    He was caught in the act.
  4. (countable) A formal or official record of something done.
  5. (countable) A division of a theatrical performance.
    The pivotal moment in the play was in the first scene of the second act.
  6. (countable) A performer or performers in a show.
    Which act did you prefer? The soloist or the band?
  7. (countable) Any organized activity.  [quotations ▼]
  8. (countable) A display of behaviour.
sounding the word:
tca - To Control Automatically = most our out acts are only a re-actions so it is automatic control
akt - in hungarian it means "naked" = an act shows the being in it's entire naked form
át köt- in hungarian it means "tie trough" = it ties two movements/actions together either as
action-reaction or act-consequence or state-change

forgiveness:
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect myself to the word "Act".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as the word "Act".
i forgive myself for acceptign and allowign myself to seperate myself from the word "Act".
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "Act" to a feeling of positive/good/right.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "Act" wihtin and as positive/good/right.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself to charge the word "Act" with a positive/good/right polarity charge and thus generate energy whenever i use or hear this word.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "Act" to performance.
i forgive mysefl for accepting and allowign myself to define the word "Act" within and as performance
i forgive myself for acceptign and allowing myself to seperate mysefl from the word "Act" and from performance troguh defining the word "Act" wihtin and as performance.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when i act or act out i am always judged by myself or others and thus create the idea of how well i am performing the act/action and thus create a connection between them
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "Act" to statement.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "Act" wihtin and as statement
i forgive myself for accepintg and allwoing myself to seperate myself from the word "Act" and from statement trough defining the word "Act" wihtin and as statement
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others based on their physical actions and thus believe that every action is a statement of the being which defines the being.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to beleive that everyone is defined by what they do.
i forgive myself for accepeting and allowing myself to connect the word "Act" to a picture of a theatre scene.
i forgive myself for accepitng and allowign myself to define the word "Act" within and as this picture
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "Act" and from this picture trough defining the word "Act" wihtin and as a picture of a theatre scene.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself the picture of a theatre scene to exist within and as myself
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to connect the word "Act" to the color faint-yellow
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "Act" wihtin and as the color faint-yellow
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "Act" and from the color faint-yellow troguh defining the word "Act" within and as the color faint-yellow
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word "Act" to decision
i forgive myself for accepintg and allowing myself to define the word "Act" wihtin and as the color faint-yellow
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from the word "Act" and from the color faint-yellow trough defining the word "Act" wihtin and as the color faint-yellow.
i forgive myself for accepintg and allwoing myself to connect the word "Act" to defining
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word "Act" wihtin and as defining
i forgive myself for accepting and lalowing myself to seperate myself from the word "Act" and from defining troguh defining the word "Act" wihtin and as defining
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that an act of someone defines that someone.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and others based on my acts/their acts.

creative definitions:
doing something in the physical meaning every movement
being the direction of myself wihtin and as the physical
expressing self-direction
based on direction executing a process.

final definition "Act":
The expression/manifestation a self-direction of a being.

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