2012-07-04

Day 58: Me as Money part 1 - Forced into the System by me

in most of my life i was not aware of my money or the usage of it, because till today and even more i am supported and "provided" by my family unit so all the money i got ever i could spend on spare food or luxury things.

and so i always saw money as something that makes luyury and spare things you don't need avilable to trade with others. which couldn't be farther from reality.

i got "introduced" into money and it's uses at the age of 9 where i had to go to the grocery store to buy my mother alcoholic drinks...because the shop was far and her legs were not in condition. also there i got some cash to spend which i mostly bought some food after school or presents for the relatives on celebrative occasions.

it was the 10.000 one i lost
my first real lesson and the main program of money i allowed when i was 10 and got sent again to get some drinks for her and so she given me ~55$ worth of paper, and as i went on my bike and got to the shop i realise i have lost it...so after 2 hours of shearching where it could have fallen out of my pocket i went back home and told my parents-they were really outraged and i got a huge slap on my face (the kind i actually fallen back a couple meters) that "how could you loose it?" "don't you know what it means and how valuable it is?" so there i had to learn and accept the value of money based on physical abuse and fear that if i do not take money seriously and not understand how valuable it is i will die-from the penalty i get...

from then on i started saving more than spending...fearing to loose or waste my money...yet because i followed my friends into the shop while waiting for them i saw from year to year how less and less my money actually values.

then in the highschool i always had some money and while being an egoistic who wants everyone to validate it's personality and ego i started to reshearch experiment and understand what investment means and thus i given money to my friends and classmates in the form of food or requirement of something but only if the needed that something therefore showing my support in their life thus making them like and appreciate and validate me as a good person and thus me as a character liked this and so kept on doing it. and they kept on participating because they benefitted from it and also got their characters validated and approved.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from money
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see and view money as something that is inferior to me not realising that i am the one who are subject to how much money i got based on the current system of accepted and allowed economics where money has more value than life.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how much money i corrently posess while not realising that actually based on my acceptance and allowances money is the one who posesses me.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from the economic system within and without myself and manifest it trough the world
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only give when i am certain that i will recieve something in return thus keeping myself and everyone else in debted to each other through believeing that if one gives the other must give an equal value back.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately use money in order to manipulate myself and others as well.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use other's fears in order to make better for me deals and to manipulate them with giving money, and to not realise that actually i am allowing myself to be defined by and manipulated by money.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the way my parents show me in terms of money and it's value, and to not question any point regarding money.
i forgive myself for accepting and alllowing myself to give more value to money than to give it to life itself thus validate my abuse of reality/beings within and as money.







i commit myself to stop seeing money as a valuse greater than life.
i commit myself to support a system which gives more valuse to life than money as such as an EqualMoneySystem where all beings are provided with their necessities and therefore do not have to act from the starting point of survival and fear.
i commit myself to stop myself from manipulating others within and as money based on the fact that humans and other are dependant on it.
i commit myself to stop myself from all my beliefs ideas and preceptions oppinions about money and investigate what is here as money.
i commit myself to show others that money is in fact has only as much value we give to it, therefore it should be given an equal valuse of life.

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