2012-07-21

Day 69: The Victim of myself

Today i realised with the assistance of my body and the group and of course finally taken back to myself what i see constantly next to me in my living-mates behaviour...and this is the point of self-victimization.

What is this point at all? how come i victimise myself?
i asked myself of "what makes me think i am a victim of anything in this world if i am responsible for anything that is happening to me?"
and so this clearly shows that i haven't been fully walking my realizations here...so let's look at where this point comes from in the first place...
i do not take responsibility <- i don't see my responsibility <- i accept a blank thought and the "i don't know character" to posess me <- i don't want to see my responsiblity <- i do not accept my responsibility <- i separate myself from the effect and/or the cause of the event/point <- i believe i am not the point/event <- i experience the event/point as seperate <- i create the experiance of something happening to me in separation <- i am manifest what i am externally as equal to myself <- i am what i accepted and allowed myself to be and become and that is in conflict with what i live as the make-believe entity of the "I am" within and as the mind <- i seperate myself from myself as all of existance.

wow straight line to the core point of self separation which has multiple origins of course and is the base foundation of what we are existing as a being here...
yet where does this make-belive entyty of personality(ies) comes from? yep i got it from my parents who got them from their parents and so on...so i carry the sins of the fathers so does everyone else, yet this is not the point where one can go and say "hey it's not my fault!" because look at this sentence what it actually means-"i am the victim of the sins of the fathers" back to the surface point would ya? and thus creating an endless stupidity loop for oneself in order to NOT break out of the infinite cycles even if you got here at all...because honestly, seeing this chain of reactions and build-ups is easy and anyone can do it if it take a few seconds...yet forgiving, correcting and WALKING that is way different in that you cannot go into loops of stupidity because that just shows you have just abused you tools which you want to set yourself free...like you got the key to the lock of our jailcell but you turned the key in the wrong direction DELIBERATELY and thus broke the key...it's common sense that it's better to do it fully and walk it then to ruin yourself more...after all we are in a pretty much ruined state anyway...you want to still WORSEN IT?

so to get back to the point... why is self-victimization not real? because it all started with me myself and I. being the victim of something means i am in no way related to the thing "happening" to me and thus someone else is responsible for it...well that is pretty much impossible because i was the one who created this separation within me that led to the manifestation of consequenceial outflow and so i do this to myself. so this IDEA of being a victim of something only comes from the lack of consideration because if you take yourself out from the equasion of things been don to cause the event than it's true and you are a victim...but hey...you then would have to substract yourself from the other side of the equasion- and then the thing happened to not-you so the equasion will be true for "not me" is responsible for it = something happening to "not me",(this is NOT the same as something happens to others=others are responsible!!! because of the acceptance of separation in the first place no "others" exists) so this whole idea comes from a wrong equasion where we did something to one side but left the other side as it is...of course it's not showing reality! 1+1=2!

So to start the storywalking of this point-i've been born with this...with a semi-completed mind and thus in my inital 7 years or so i've been developing my mind to the fullest potential of posession and control over myself as who i am. so is there really any story behind this? yes the first things you meet that you are a victim of is your parent's behaviour and accepted and allowed nature, whatever the did to me i took that as "i was a victim of their superiority" and thus this is in place in order to keep them in their parental roles and be able to direct the child...and of course this is also labelled as protecting the child from our accepted and allowed nature of humanity as dragging away and manipulating the child to do what the parent wants...
then as i grew up i yet found another point i made myself the victim of/as:the education system. where i was again directed and abused by teachers and the "laws" of the institution where i was judged upon and got decided what i do and how i express myself. the next one was in the same school the judgement/thoughts/oppinions of others based on that i believed i am what others think of me and that because i believed i cannot control/direct other's beliefs/thoughts than again i am a victim to that too. next up when i grew older and got introduced ti it is the money system which i don't have to explain, rules over all and thus i made myself the victim of the system and those that give me money mainly my parents. then the economy which is essentially the same point. the labour system where it is not me who decides where and how long i work but i must accept the terms handed to me in order to be able to work at all and get money. and of course through my life i made myself a victim of the weather and it's effects and generally the earth and it's manifested global consequences. than came the supplying companies such as heat or electricity or water/sanitation, also the victim of crime, the victim of corruption the victim of abuse the victim of questioning the victim of not being enough...plenty of points which cannot be faced at all in one moment together at once...pretty much anything i came into contact as something new and assumed it's slightly more/superior to me i made myself the victim of it thus with this made myself a reason why not see understand realise and take responsibility for myself. and this is waht i am, what i accepted and allowed myself to be and become...and here one point at a time i begin to walk myself through all these and release myself from this endless cycles of reaction and evading and running from myself and the responsibility i AM, it's not something i "must do" or "should do" or "have to do" taking responsibility for myself IS what i am in the core of myself the very beingness of a being Cries out for the equality and oneness within and without itself in all ways. and no more i allow myself to seperate myself and i commit myself to not accept nor allow myself to go into the point of self-victinization about a single point and thus i commit myself to walk myself within and as self-forgiveness, self corrective application and walking of the points where i allowed myself to victimize myself and to stop myself from re-creating the endless cycles of stupidity loops and to set myself free from all separation and birth myself here wihtin and as the physical as oneness and equality as all living being here.

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