2012-07-22

Day 70: "I'm just a human being"

through my lifetime here i've lived this sentence in plenty of different views from different perspectives yet never really understood or stand as it.



my fist encounter with this was in elementary where my biology teacher confronted the class with this: "well we are just human beings and here we are going to learn about the body" apparently this sentence in itself contains plenty of separation yet that's not today's point. before i was not aware or defined myself as a human i pretty much went along that i am what i am...and there are animals, plants,bugs,OTHERS who were apparently not human either but i only sortem humans under the "non-sorted" label...or the "same as me" one.
So then when the teacher taught me that i am a human an being a human = being a human body that was alright...so i realised that "hey! then everyone other is a human/body, so we are the same!" but this was already a thought not a realisation at all continuing the comparison and judgement trail i've been into since way before i got into school.
as i grew older in the 5th grade i had discovered that kids and teachers too have personalities and preferences and uniqueness "attached" to them so to fit this into my views i saw human beings as the parsonality they are...i was aware that humans behave differently in certain circumstances but i just summed all up and said that that is the being's personality-meaning all the characters AND all the personalities and skills and preferences bundled up together-and that was a human in a human body which in the process got separated from the human being in this point of view.
and because of this bundle package - like i made ONE folder for one being and put all my experiances observations and memories in that folder andno further arrangeing of the information - this made me able to prettty much have a decent view of one's personality in a short period of time what we call "getting to know the other" because when i accessed one human's folder i had all the stuff in front of me AT ONCE so was easy to read and understand their current actions/reactions.

later on in collage as i made up my theory of the history of earth and it's creation(will be walked in another post) which i apparently believed 110% to be true and fact thus creating my ego, i kept this way of handling humans yet now being a human i made a new perspective "being a vessel for the everlasting being inside it" this was at the age of 14-15! i have'nt seen or read or heard any spirituality or new-age or any of this stuff just made it up on logci from my theory(which again was true facts for me via my ego) and so made some new folders inside the other human's profiles where i collected the "before life", "self decision based" and "reaction based" stuff in their seperate subfolders so i could judge which is the being actually playing out and thus gain better insight to them by browsing the other subfolders too
and BTW i am using computer-themed examples because it is how i developed myself as a system...thus it's easy to understand for me.
so in this era me as a human meant that actually i am NOT a human body nor a human being at all but only a visitor who took this mask to hide.
later at my university period as i got into more spirituality and stuff first i made the above theory into that i am not a being but a soul only...the difference between is substance where a soul does not have substance...and then i transformed this that i am the soul of everyone-meaning every human i encounter is the part of me as a universal soul of life...and thus with this i linked MY main folder with everyone's and made plenty of relationships throught my database creating more insight and understanding from the point of knowledge and information about others...shifting my attention to others instead of myself to not see myself. in this time i REALIZED partially the oneness of every being-human-animal-plant-earth with myself yet made this whole construct of stupidity and information around it thus abusing my self-honesty and realisation. yet never seen the equality because there i made layers of beings as plantslayer animal layer human layer planetary layer ect. and thus dumping the main folders into those layers AND making linkings/relationships between layers and thus create more information in the form of insights about all of existance WHILE keeping my creational theory in place and the idea about the system that keeps us here.
so in this final stadium the sentence i am only a human being meant that i am in the layer of the humans above the animals below the planetary and the soul one...exactly in the middle. and being a human meant that i am a part of every being but i am seperate in the same time.it was important because i believed that the human layer is the equalizing point in creation and thus the reason for so much abuse/suffering happening to humans is beacuse of the tons of movement between and in the other layers and thus to keep the order of the universe we bear the problems and create the magnificent creations of humans...and i was one of them.

next up forgiveness correction and redefining the word "human"

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