Day 76: there is no middle line

yep that's clear...no way to do something in between two polarities...

for the past weeks i've been pushing and pulling myself over and under between two poarity points, TRYING to find a balance point within myself where i can participate within both ends...which is impossible for long term...ther may be one or two days where i could do it then i fell on one side then all over the other...and back and forth...and because it is my own stupidity that keeps this loop going we call it a stupidity loop.

where am i bouncing?
fully organised/everyminute spent by the book - lazy douchbag doing only entertainment and nothing.
and before you try and do the same...i tell you...there is no middle road...no golden ratio, no dividing line...either one end or the other...at lest for me

and two things...one pulls, one pushes, between the two...fear and want...it's straightforward if one looks at it.
how to not do it? never shoot for the middle :lol 
(proper use of lol based on that it used to be a smiley then it got forgotten and turned to an abbrevation of LaughedOutLoud, then it became just L.O.L. which is also used for "love of life" "laugh of life" "life of lol's" and plenty other)
so the way to stop polarities is NOT participating within them...but hey how can i NOT participate in being well-organised and relaxed?

this is not a point of relaxation, it is about wanting to balance out what is embedded to be impossible for the long term...all polarities are made this way. so if i'm not participating in these two that means the following:
the action and activity of me organising and relaxing myself is actually comes from the starting point of self-honesty and it is a way of expressing myself, not doing something that is not me but living myself as who i am...

i stated before "i have to balance myself out" which is insane if i look at it from a common sense perspective, because if i seperate myself from balance itself how can i "be it"? i realise that i am balance, and it is not something i have to find, or establish, or create out of thin air...it is me and i am it.

and this is what i am from now on, walking day by day, breath by breath, to establish and incoorporate what is best for all into and AS myself stopping the separation, stopping the participation, breathing here and developing myself as self expression...it will not happen on an instant, only decisions are made in one moment. so
i commit myself to walk the process of integrating and incoorporating what is necessary to be done to exist as an effective being always considering what is best for all and allowing myself to forgive,let go, and place it into myself all that i have separated myself from and as.