2012-08-03

Day 80: being Thrown around

i experiance these moments/days, where i planned something yet i allow myself to be thrown around and not do exactly what i planned...blaming something else that it screwed with my schedule and thus i can't do it so within this i go and justify that i don't have to do the rest at all...while of course missing breathing...and this is also another point which made me miss days...



"i can't work with this so many distractions!" which is invalid obviusly because firstly i decide how many distractions i go after and allow myself to be distracted...secondly i decide how many things i have to listen at the same time and keep track of...it is only my own responsibility...

this also relates with "doing something FOR others only" which has plenty of characters...even ones i not yet identified...

and also i go into the finding of balance, which i wrote about earlier...getting to release that i made a bigger deal than anything else...

not from the vids i'm watching but the same concept here
and all these and such realisations come from...watching natural horsemanship training...currently i watch c. Anderson's courses and there altough not hurting the horse any way there is a definitive training which is effective...and just by watching it and understanding the horses and their behaviour and how the trainer corrects them and en-discourages things...sensitizing and desensitizing it...and seeing it also from the horses perspective...

this way i am like a domby horse who just goes off and leans against pressure...and kinda don't want to take the lead...while on the same time i am the trainer of myself who knows and trains myself to take the lead and do what is best for all and walk process...

and thus i learn how to manage myself...not in separation just brought this up because it's a great example...and slowly but surely get to respect myself and also respond-in acting from the point of self-direction step by step...training by training...yet it is important to make the pushing and the relaxing/rewarding stable and presistent...therefore i can be/become stable and presistent...

animals teach you plenty of things...and animals with humans...even more...animals with respectful and understanding humans...best combination.

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