Day 84: Learn how-to Learn? part 1
So about learning: i as all of the kids around me never considered learning A THING. i just did it. i took it for granted and most of the time altough i learned the information handed to me i went into rebellion from the beginning of my school-journey and thus always went into blame and hatred and of course when i learned something i liked i was more friendly and curious and was more responsive and interactive on those classes. my teachers never really explanied how and why i can get information and being able to remember them "learn" them they just told me a bunch of stuff and later on they DEMANDED that i say it back exactly the same. basically i was there as a recording machine...and i felt that this is not really okay with the subjects i didn't like german language for example in the 3rd grade yet never felt it in those cool classes...i was engaged and amazed and sucked the information and knowledge up as a hoover. i see myself that i was often looking like a kid in front of TV opened mouth with steady eyes, barely blinking and just staring at the teacher who's talking...yes it was like a trance for me and i loved those moments...i was like this so much that actually once, in math class in 4th grade, the class went on and it was really interesting and i just started to feel a bit tired and heavy-headed and a bit warmer than usual...so i got my arms before me and leaned my head on both my arms and kept listening...after a minute or two i started to feel more heavy and a bit more heat so i got my head onto the cold table but still with mesmerised listening...i was this for some minutes than the teacher saw me just laying on the table there in the first row and so asked "are you okay?" i said "yes i'm fine please go on, i'm just a bit tired but i listen and understand what you say so please continue." while forcing myself up to my arms, and so she was okay with it and continued the class...then the next thing i was that somehow i started to fall to the table and then forcing myself upright again to show i'm okay and to not stop the class...and after 4-5 of this i just stopped and the teacher saw me again and asked again if i'm okay...i made it clear that it's hot and i'm tired...so finally she came up to me and put her hands on my forehead...and THERE CAME the REACTIONS i had fever, okay, and it's terrifying in class when you have a sick kid and such...so she ran out and got a thermometer and asked me to measure...it came out to be 44°C. not kidding...when she saw it another wave of reactions came "oh my god, are you alright? i'll be back soo hold on!" i didn't feel that bad just wanted to sleep but kept myself stopping it for the sake of the material being presented...then of course she came back with cold wet towels after calling the ambulance and thus took me to the back of the room and put the towel to cool me off...and everyone was around asking if i'm okay...and suddenly i became the center of interest...for the first time in my life...and our class was big, i mean 43 students plus two teacher cares only about you...attention i never got this much.
to cut this long story short i was taken to the ambulance and kept in for two days which i was not ill at all nor had fever or else...just got sick from the hospital itself-but later on that in another post maybe, so all in all i wanted to learn and inprint the new information SO MUCH that i totally IGNORED my body which was battleing with something. it was a shake-up to HEY you're not here, you're not listening you're not considering me aka. yourself...you can kill yourself with this attitude!
this is just one example where i was a clear example of not being able to direct myself effectively to learn and be here within and as breath and incorporate what's presented...i just sucked and stored it...not became it.
and thus i made within myelf a "good learner" and a "bad learner" character based on the fears i had about learning. and whenever i liked a topic or material i was in my good learner character, being nice with the teacher helping him, asking questions, letting myself adopt the knowledge and also take the "bad learner" character to classes i hated or disliked and not really remembering much of those hours at all...and even debate with the teacher and so on.
Here as walking this process, which is really walking with OPENED EYES-not looking outside but actually investigating myself in total self-honesty of what i'm doing and why and how i got to do it ect. and thus see understand and realise some concepts and processes i never really saw/precieved real before. and if i look at it learning is just a tool, a tool which enables me to expand myself as my understanding of what is here and the tool to take what is here and create something from it.
so learning how to learn is actually creating and establishing my toolbox.not filling it with tools but crafting the box itself...because we can have tons of tools in the garage but when they are all around and scattered you can't always find the correct one for the actual job so you use one that you have near you...but when you have a nice box with small pockets in it and such it is much easier to find and use the correct tool for the job and it takes less effort and makes more fun using your tools.
and all around the world...we never ever teach our children how to make these toolBOXes, we just stuff their garage with tons of tools...no wonder why they are messy in their lives as well and their rooms.
the brain is not built and does not work AS a computer which stores data and reads it all the time and does nothing else. it works that it takes pieces of informations and put together in different contexts and way to create a solution...it does not shearch or remember a solution to a problem but makes one based on the STARTING POINT. and this is why it is really important to have a clear starting point and to be able to learn and "know" how to learn.
forgiveness and commitments in the next post...