Day 86: Giving Life
our fantasies and concepts and beliefs are all can be watched in moovies or TVshows or pictures or any other material we created...and every thought and feeling and idea around this has been recorded in one way or another.
while watching an episode of torchwood s01e08 to be exact it is really not about the life&death point but more on giving.
and an interesting question-or line of questions-arised here: would i be able to fully committedly give ALL my life to another unconditionally? how much do i value "my life"? what can i give fully and unconditionally? am i at all able to give something unconditionally if i couldn't even give to myself the 24 commetment to myself and the gift of breath?
here in brutal self-honesty, the answer shines "no" as the complete and full description and declaration of who i am. Me as all of my life shows i am not able to give up everything to another, not even to myself...which clearly shows that if i can't give life it is because i am not life.
here are moments, where the unpredictability of myself encounters and has this ability or more so selfness that i allow myself to do such thing as giving fully and unconditionally even at the cost of everything that i made myself. but only mere moments stretched across time.
many times i evade looking at myself as this, this total clearness and self-honesty where nothing else remains but what i am as all of me...and for me within and AS the mind this is the worlds most terrifying and frightening thing of all. not because it's true, not because it shows me that i do not stand for what i really am. but because HERE the program runs out of boundaries.
HERE the facts and truth are so immensly programmed to be misinterpreted and hid and distorted and faked and illusionised by me that when i take ALL this bullshit away what i see is LITERALLY MIND BLOWING.
these are the moments of realisation which shows me that this is totally unacceptable...and plenty of things i do is unacceptable as it is...
and interestingly no "inspiration" appeares magically to make me moove into correcting myself of forgiving. it is what i see is the only possible step as what i am...not doing it is like not being myself...which is literally true...i become fears and thoughts and personalities and characters and millions of other things except what i am ethernally.
life and death has no value at all in itself...we beings give it value...it's a process and a reoccurring circle, can one give it to another? well it is certain that i can ONLY give what i am and i am totally meaning i am completely one and equal with and as it. i can give death if i am death, i can give life if i am life itself...but that means there is no relationship between me and what i give...and when i look at it than if there's no relationship then no giving CAN be achieved, because the very definition of giving is about that one "looses" the thing and the other "gains" the thing being given. therfore it is easy to see that NO GIVING can be done at all...only PROVIDING which means constantly and ethernally being here with and as the other being within and as the point you provide.
so i can provide only myself with assistance and support and this is an ethernal commitment.
i commit myself to provide complete assistance and support to myself within and as oneness & equality. and this also adds to the starting point of walking my process.