2012-08-15

Day 87: four days later...

Time progresses, breaths came and go, beings births and dies, moons,planets,stars,galaxies move around, and this is what we call "the flow". but mainly this flow is only in our mind and while not being here we end up chasing it and being all wondered about it and thinking and imagineing and stuff...while we suck our body and the earth dry.


i had plenty of points these days, yet not got to writing, which is only based on my over-pushingness towards a point, where i create a lil' loop for myself when encountering a point to push myself till i get to the end of it...like racing to the finish...but hey what happens when there is NO FINISH LINE??? you loose your MOMENTUM. yes i can push and go more than 24hours straight at a point investigating looking up all the connections seeing different aspects and world"views" of it yet all for what? only to complicate myself into being stuck in the web of lies i sew while doing it.

i drive myself so entangled into the looking into/investigation that i missed out the REAL PART the application itself, here i can't turn back time and erase what i did, i am what i did and how i behaved, no point in lieing about it ir hiding it. yet it was useful as preparing the real work to be done in those points...no i did not did SF or SCS on them, just collected and investigated and got them under microscope...so the real job begins here.

the interesting thing is that i got so into this that i did not experienced any fears or resistance along the way...which i could have seen before and realise that shows that i'm doing something that i have not "problem with" meaning it is part of the problem and not working on a solution...because when i am doing a solution like right here writing this some form of resistance ALWAYS comes up. and that's just like the mind saying "hey get your hands off!" so i must go and do these which i have the greatest resistance to...and again this learned through desteniprocess and horsemanship-education...like horses have "oh no don't touch me there" spots and you can only teach him/her how to be calm if you do touch/rub those points while showing that nothing "bad" happens.

so this process is not about pushing through points...it's about pushing through RESISTANCE! of course i cannot move a mountain barehandedly but in the realm of characters and mind constructs there is not such thing as "too big" or "too heavy".

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