in my childhood i heard a ton of music. mainly because my father worked and still works in the Hifi industry manufacturing electronics and acoustics for music-listening purposes. therefore we always had some kind of music player and mostly the best quality that we could have and listen to his favourite songs and collections. also we had an electronic keyboard and he could play fairly well on it and i always enjoyed when he played on it and could hear "live music" for the first time.
These intimate moments got me later to the point where i enjoyed more listening to music alone than to go to a concert or show.
also most of the time while in the kitchen waiting-gathering for breakfast-dinner-supper there were a radio with the 50's-90's music and so i heard A LOT of them over the years.
later on when i got older i also got a radio and a desktopCD player with speakers and so on...not the bulk all-in-one-plastic-thingy type but a real hifi one with high quality of sound and i always enjoyed and made a habit to sleep off and wake up to radio and/or music.
much later after the divorce we got into smaller rooms where i couldn't fit that system but had a seperate computer and an audio system to it. so i got into - as with computer games - changeing and bartering and borrowing CD's from classmates and from my father and started collecting them on my hard drive in the form of mp3's. also this was the time i got into winamp 1.8 basically it was nothing more than a list of tracks and some buttons to play/stop and an equaliser which i never got into using.
while growing up and matureing and going into highschool and most importantly have learnt english i started to challange myself with my collection of english tracks, i noticed that when i listen i can actually hear what they are speaking about in music. so i got excited and wondering about WHAT they speak in the tracks because at that time (2003-2007) the popular musics (or POP for short) started to rise quickly and gain even larger and larger audiences in the age of my mates so as i went on and actually understood the lyrics of the songs i had SO MUCH FUN realising that actually those "artists" are only talking CRAP literally it was either no meaning or just useless rubbish mindwashing, or just blabbering about themselves and their petty lives. often went into debates about "hey, you LIKE this track? did you know it just talks about fucking cats? you say this is a nice lovesong? ehh..." or something like this.
also the same time i developed this desire to ONLY go for the lyrics of the song and if it has shit lyrics it is a shit song and the other way around too. this was the time when i wanted to see and find MEANING and REASON in the songs and tracks i heard...there were REALLY JUST A FEW that had some all the other was bullshit. and this time i got faced with the media-INDUSTRY that it just prints crap 24/7 so i got also fed up with radio stations that played 5-10times a song in one week dayly and had about 20-50 songs per month to play...and playing ONLY THOSE over and over and over and over again...i checked many radiostations i could find and ALL had these crap shit of songs with some variance. so i gave up radioing and got back to my growing collection of 20Gigs of music about a 100 artists total and i listened to those because i choosed those tracks and liked those...also i did not had to hear the crap NEWS every half an hour over again because 1 day it's the same news all day long.
also while playing altough not consciously but sometimes i listened to game's tracks and listened to those too. i played A LOT during my life and every game has some music in it and it loops when you play much so i bet i could tell the game if i hear the music...altough with the later editions of BIG games like need for speed later versions and command&conquer and GTA3 and such there were plenty of tracks (about 20-50per game) so it got more versatile.
until walking with desteni i did not consider PLAYING music myself or singing, altough i heard choirs at the university and liked it but didn't see myself as a performer at all.
altough i always believed based on my past that there is some music EVERYWHERE, wherewer i went there were music or rithmic noise or something to hear, and realised that i am never in complete quietness. i mean even here my computer has music the way the fans push/pull the air the moments of "processing" scrathes the sound of the keys pressed down and jumping up my breathing...and everything has some form of timing to it-it all happens in time and so it's a HUGE symphony of life...
what i did not consider is what ALL this above does to my body in the physical. of course i learned many things and were able to train a bit of global hearing where you hear and comprehend more than you concentrate to but at the end i have high pitch noise mostly all the time especially when i am in a quiet place...yes kinda i overloaded my ears with information that now i hear phantomsound mainly all the time. and of course another self-abuse is that i created my own lil' mind-player meaning i can mentally hear the tracks i heard before and slow them down fast the up or edit anyway...and they randomly stuck in my head as thoughts and keep playing over till i stop myself or get into my mind and not hear it because of separation.
of course i allowed my fathers attitude to influence my life towards music, and also to "go for the best quality" while working with him in the store.
next part will come...