2012-08-22

Day 91: Emptyness

here are these moments and sometimes seemingly days where i TRY to look back and just allow myself to see nothing. nothing at all, and through this i go into this emotion of emptyness of seeing nothing of me in my past...and this is a huge rad-flag because it clearly indicates that i'm still defining myself based on my past. and judge myself based on what i did or not did...so it's godd time as any to stand up and stop this nonsensical self-sabotageing abuse.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only TRY to look back and remember what i did before and thus depend on the mind's memories which are often charged with energy, and limit myself of realising myself in the act of TRYing therefore abusing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself based on limiting myself from realising what i am actually doing is only pulling a blank thought and allowing such to exist within and as me
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself a blank thought to exist within and as me and to accept and allow the usage of the blank thought whenever i fear to see what i am looking for.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing understanding and realising myself within and as my past/present/future.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the fear of seeing/understanding/realising myself to fear itself therefore i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self-direction whenever i experiance emptyness based on a blank thought.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the emotion of emptyness to exist within and as me
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the emotion of emptyness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself to create the experiance of feeling the emotion of emptyness/state of emptyness as a means to limit myself from realising myself here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the blank thought and the emotion of emptyness together in order to hide the moments where i did not take responsibility for myself and were not HERE, breathing.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the experiance of emptyness and postpone my walking and actual physical to-do's in order to exist within and as the state of emptyness.

I realise that HERE is no such thing as empty or blank exists.
when and as i see myself going into the pattern of allowing myself a blank thought to manifest within and as myself i stop, breathe, realise that no such thing exists and push myself to investigate the points and fears that caused the blank thought to "come"
when and as i go into the experiance of emptyness, i stop, breathe and bring myself back HERE, and let go of the experiance and push myself to continue with my duties and activities of the day.


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