2012-08-30

Day 96: Ask and you will be giving it to you.

there are plenty of translations and rewritings and conceptualising around those books that an organisation gives as "the way to live your life", and thus tries to make you do what they tell you in order to feel safe.
the problem is that there as with any written "history record" there is a misunderstanding of the era and even the sources of course cannot be completely trusted.
and thus the message is mostly distorted or turned in order to make others follow/believe/change.



it is translated as:
"9 So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
10 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

the main misconception is that this promotes not only separation from something that helps you but also a redemption from your responsibility.

reality is that there are nothing else than me myself and I, thus there are noone seperate from me, thus it becomes clear that only i can give/show/open/ to myself.
"Ask and you will be giving it to you, seek and you will show it to yourself, knock and you will open the door for you" is the real case that all of the ones read these above scripture just pass over this meaning.
I in these two days have been in the first part of this, that's why the title is about it and thus working on that one, yet these 3 are all the same thing just a broader explanation of the same point.

what does it mean? as i realise it it means that when i ask myself(in the form of others) to actually change based on self-honest realisation that i am not in a state that i can possibly solve alone, and through this i am giving myself the opportunity to solve the problem/open up a point/realise myself/change myself.

in my case it was not an asking per say, instead i was being asked to tell what is the problem and how deep shit i am from my GMa. and through my telling and sharing in total self-honesty clearly without any hindering or holding back (took me a couple of breath to start it) i was able to express the situation, and as never before she offered me assistance and took it as a must to do. to be precise i only asked myself couple of hours before "how do i get through this?".

and so we managed to gather and sell our silvery things and get the money and pay most of my debt which threatened me with taking away property, and also got an agreement with the others.

until this i always resisted the idea of telling my "family" my issues as long as i could hide it, based on shame, regret,pride and fear.
I raised myself with this attitude, to take care of myself because i lacked the caring and nurturing of my family, and with this i made myself seperate and distant from anyone, in the areas of trust, honesty, and consideration i basically left MYSELF alone based on my own view that noone is able to take care of me and i will not bother anyone who's not doing it by it's own will. even with my grilfriend i did it with her, assisting supporting her having her trust me taking care of her more than with myself but never the opposite. and this is a deep childhood scar i KEPT open for more than 2 decades now.
i only created a seperate self within me that i trust and care and honest...it was sort of my clone...i also made a bit of personality for him at the time i believed i am secretly governing my own created planet from the distant-made him governor of it...so i kinda split myself and made him into a completely new being just to have someone i can completely trust and who cares and provides.
this isn't my mom's fault who were unable to handle her life's dream as job and rich life collapsing, neither my dad's fault who were working his ass off in order to provide food and necessities and even had to deal with my mom, neither my brother's fault who always tried to compensate his "lost position" in the family with torturing and aggressoring on me. this is all my work. i have accepted and allowed myself to REACT to these circumstances, and be and become only an organic robot who's doing depending on what strings are pulled on him. altough i am not blaming myself either, i am taking responsibility for it and for what i've caused.
i never asked myself for something, never shearched something in myself(before desteni), and never ever knocked on doors/points/topics that i did not know where they lead. and so i have never been given myself the gift of myself, never been found myself and never break through and walk through the doors of realisation before.

yet here i am, i asked, i have given myself the opportunity to solve, given myself the solution, found the process of becoming what i am, and walk through the doors of unkown and the doors of realisation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to misinterpret the message of a quote and to use it to my advantage and manipulate others to act as i want the to act and understand as i explain them to be.
I commit myself to always make sure that what i speak/write/express only bears the meassage of what is best for all in equality AND oneness, and take the time and effort to be clear and comprehendable to any other being here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try and explain/show others why and how they misinterpret/don't understand what they preach based only on ego and to be "right".
when and as i see myself communication with others based on wanting to make others to accept and see what/as i see and understand reality, I stop and breathe.
I commit myself to only share myself from the starting point of doing what is best for all, and independently express myself equally with everyone.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from myself and thus create a complete seperate entity within myself and exclude every being from my trust,care,and consideration but this self-created entity.
I commit myself to consider every being as one and equal to myself and behave/act acoordingly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself tonever trust any other being with anything and always be on guard to justify my attitude towards them and always remember one's faults.
I commit myself to allow everyone to proove that they can be trusted with life including myself and give opportunities to learn and expand both myself and the other from the starting point of equality. and oneness.

praying for someone (like god) to give/show/open to you in separation will not get you anywhere i garantee, even there is a text: "You ask and do not receive because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures." which is basically showing that praying to god is A MISS man you have the adress wrong, and only want to not-take responsibility for doing the things needed to be done justifying your "puny" judgement about yourself. to all who are in religion i say, please open your eyes TO YOU and see yourself for what you've been missing. visit the links on the side and see the unconditional support that is given to all on the desteni furoms and in the desteniiprocess course.

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