2012-09-01

Day 98: Memories part 1 - meeting eye to eye


Today i started to "clean" and organise all the mess around me, no i mean literally.
trhough the 6 or so years that i 've been sleeping here i made my lil' hidey-hole just as i wanted it to be, placing things on their respective places, even if that means pile of things in a place but at one place, nicened' it up with some pretty pictures i liked, and just basically leaving my mark everywhere in the room, starting from the arrangement of the furniture showing that the computer-desk and the bed is the two most important furniture, then the boocase which is not just holding books, and then everything else around where it fits.


And i have been realising the point that actually when one is in a place for prolonged period of time the scenery actually clearly reflects the being in all ways, showing importance, consistency, caretaking, thinking patterns, habits, hobbies(physical habits), and even the rate of time spent between things...basically one can tell the MIND who is living in that space/room/household.
Where does this come? well we do express ourselves in the physical even if we are not aware of it, and as above so below, as inside so outside, meaning everything and anything that i participated on the inside as thoughts/feelings/emotions/judgements/comparisons/polarities ect. actually manifested on the looks of my enviroment, because i unconsciously matched my enviroment to my inviroment.

This is cool when i actually look at it in self honesty and just see the points showing and showing what i do allow within myself, and taking the step of seeing understanding and realising that this is all that i am and have to work on, so this provides(actually my own action) me with the opportunity to take responsibility and be aware and CHANGE what i am from inside-out and when my enviroment reflects this change that is also stating to myself clearly that i walked the tools correectly and indeed changed myself, if not that is only showing that there is more to thse points that needs to be worked.

Today i mostly cleared out my two "personal things" boxes, and found plenty of stuff that were really just tons of crap. why did i keep them? BECAUSE i had MEMORIES connected to them and thus when seeing/touching the item i am able to relive that moment of my history and play that memory back and REMEMBER from and outside perspective, enableing all those emotions/feelings/thoughts/constructs sometimes to overthrow me. and thus i keep storing such information in ITEMS because i know for a fact that i cannot remember anything for forever, and this is the action of holding onto memories, and all the attached energies and thoughts ect. just because I believe that this is what DEFINES ME. so i collect and collect lots of items which are reminders and manifestations of events thus i am able to make myself exist more AS MEMORIES in those items.
yse again fear of dieing, people!

and it is a really fun exercise to walk that, i take such a glorified item, relive the memories/experiances/processes, and be able to breathe, and see in common sense that "this does not define me, this is just an item" and getting more and more of these and walking this realisation that me as a mind system in fact only exist within my projected reality and beliefs and memories and when all these are gone i am simply not-existing, and this made A LOT of people do "big" stuff to be remembered in history, but history is also nothing more than we as a unified consciousness trying and wanting to remember everything and all we have defined ourselves who we are. while we just keep missing the point that NO EVOLUTION at all happened trhought these thousands of years and we are still the same abusers and pussy's and organic robots as before.
I dare trashing these "pretty memory" items one by one, i made a decision that i am only what i am here in every moment, and if i am not being able to exist wihtin and as something in any and every moment onward then clearly i am not allowed myself to be one and equal to that point. i cannot FIX or STORE myself in the physical because i as the mind do not exist in the physical. i only exist as relationships of separation, which is anything BUT life itself.

common sense that such documents that shows to the system that i accomplished certain tasks/milestones like education or work is kept in order to be able to properly function in this current system, yet any "personal" and "special" related items are really not necessary at all, i do not mean that i trash them all, i severe the connection from them with self-forgiveness, and self-corrective action as commitments and walking, thus the item only has it's physical value (for example clothes have only the value of being able to regulate body temperature allowing to exist comfortably) and not any additional value added to it.

for more perspective here's Matti Freeman's video/song:

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