Day 129: Acceptence?

I ended with preferring relaxation with silence but more importantly that i project my desires onto others and believe that they want the same thing too, and justifying my actions with this logic.


Day 128: Abusing self for others

I've had many thoughts and points come up where i seen myself to hold back myself from doing something.


Day 127: the Bystander Effect

While "living life" it is so easy to do the things I'm programmed to, it feels like i would just don't do anything, yet then i always do what i'm designed for: abuse.

so kinda when i'm not all about process, or full with excitement of working and realising new points, and "let myself steam off" is where i see that by accepting this kind of "let go of myself" is where i just suddenly fall back onto being a mind-slave.


Day 126: Rate of Life

the Rate here means the event/timeframe meaning how frequent a thing is.

so i've realised today that I as a human always live according to time, yet time itself is not a material holdable touchable thing therefore we measure time based on certain repeating events and we have a base of time:
SI defines the second as 9,192,631,770 cycles of the radiation that corresponds to the transition between two electron spin energy levels of the ground state of the 133Cs atom.
so we have a "basic" thing that reoccurres in a constant interval (at least from a scientific perspective) and we given it a meaning and also made it a system where there are larger and smaller volumes of it is told like minutes hours days and so on.


Day 125: system of Money

this is a continuation of  Day 120: the Weight of Money

The last two days i have been fiddleing with a program which is basically a database administrating one, that can store financial "accounts" and create statistics and plenty of other things. his name is quicken.

Day 124: A brave start

It's really not about that
In the last post (here) i've discussed the point of courage towards activities or ideas or really anything we can think of.

While looking around, this point is again in all our moves, or rather, before every move we take, and not so suprisingly none of us got education about how this works. we just use it as granted that we need to have or lack courage or bravery to do things or keep ourselves away, but as with fears, courage is REALLY useless and abusive because it is again just a shortcut from effect to conclusion without considering or investigating anything.


Day 123: Courage to stand?

Part 1
I've been seeing this point around me regarding others to themselves, and while taking back the points, i realised i do also have this in/as me.

While i've been a child, my parents treated me according to their beliefes and knowledge about childcare and parenting, which consist of a "law" which no parent want to see/realise here:"I cannot directly control my child"(or any other being really)


Day 122: Staggering

Every now and then i go into staggering while doing certain things. I know this word has plenty of meaning, i'm talking about the activity staggering, where one hesitates and staggers about starting something.

So when this starts i see some thoughts coming up and backchat too, firstly about that i just plain shoudn't do this now and then comes all the "reasons" and justifications about it, then some way of imagineing myself while doing it then judgeing THAT imagined outcome and making assumptions and decisions based on THAT which is not real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Stagger before starting a new task.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect myself to a task i would do and create a relationship between myself and the action/activity/task.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from a future task/activity/action.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat an action/activity/task that i would do in the future as it has been already done.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to continuosly and constantly project myself into the future and beleieve/precieve actions/activities/tasks to be in the past.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to create and validate the existance of a future-point of view that is seperate from here and from me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to seperate myself from this future point of view.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a seperate point-of-view and believe it to be real.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself various thoughts regarding the imaginary scenario i have created in my mind.


Day 121: Compulsory

It is an interesting "concept" we humans created, that the certain authority 'figures' allow themselves-and we to them-to make things compulsory to others.


Day 120: the Weight of Money

How heavy money is? does it matter? does debt has a weight? such questions are only arise in children before they are brainwashed into the system. i asked these too when i was young and got not really much answer to it.


Day 119: the Truth of a SocioFobic

I have been very much obsessed with truth before this process, and created whole bunch of shit just to satisfy my never ending thirst to knowledge and truth of existance.


Day 118: Stillness

Here while now staying in a small town, and not going back to the capital for the weekend, i 'have' plenty of time to examine myself and the enviroment i'm in.


Day 116-117: THE LOVE of LIES

i do not make easy to pinpoint the day/moment i started to participate in this point...this again was kinda a smooth transition as all my major fuckups, yet there were key elements/moments that ensured that my actions cause my doom, and i can't even say that i was not aware of the possible consequences i create for myself yet i just did it.


Day 115: Committed as them.

to see the context read trough the previous two posts here: Day 113, Day 114.

i realised that when looking at animals that "so cool" feeling and admiration of animals comes from the fact that they are 100% committed in what they do, in every moment, and they are here to stand as an example on how to live by principle, therefore i will not allow myself to place/believe/precieve myself less than them, because that would be only self-lie, self-dishonestie because the fact is that we are all one and equal as all. and the animal kindom states very clearly that they do not accept nor allow such abuse of self and abuse of life. so here comes my commitments regarding the posts about earlier:


Day 114: Animals are REAL

this is a continuation of the previous post: Day 113: The Power of the Moment se that for context.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that animals are seperate from me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think that i am superior to animals, because i can think.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself the thought "i am more than an animal".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see understand and realise that in the physical i am actually weaker and/or more fragile than animals.


Day 113: The power of the Moment.

Today i had to realise what awareness in the physical is really meaning, and what is the "use" of it.

I am glad that i can work with horses *for free*, i mean i have 1-2 riding sessions (45-60mins riding and more for other) per week, and while doing this the horses are really assisting and supporting me, and of course everyone equally, with any point we must face.


Day 112: Being dragged around

Plenty of times in my life i have allowed myself to condition myself according to many things, other's behaviour, reactions, enviromental factors, opportunity factors, boredness factors, excitement, just to name a few.


Day 111: the ONEs in the universe

When i look at myself, as a "one" universe, i see that actually this meaning of one thing is not really true at all.
I mean of course here is oneness which "binds us all together" because we are all one AND equal with and AS the universe/existance/ALL.


Day 110:Standing once again

I have been falling all the time in the last month...not failing but "lost" myself in aligning myself with the changed situation/enviroment and thus just acted like a death-scared animal in a forest fire. running around amok in my thoughts and systems trying to find the best possible solution FOR MYSELF ONLY which made me neglect myself and plenty of my worked points, so this shows that i had my buttons pressed and i do reacted to them.

Day 109: A Commitment...

originally written on paper on 2012-09-29 before 22:12

...is always a commitment. If i have committed myself to something even if at that moment I can't see the flaws of it, I still have to keep it (as best i am physically able to edit)otherwise I would just speak to nothingness.
So when the moment comes to keep myself to one, I see this character come up with justifications, while physically I can do it. So here I test myself all the time if I keep what i have committed myself or not.
So I utilize BREATH and push on to do them, like here i've written this small post, to write every day.

Day 108: Physical Evidence

originally written on paper on 2012-09-28 before 21:45

The days flow, the events follow each other, things happen all the time, and the more aware I am the more "in sinch" I am with the physical. when i allow myself to just "go with the flow" I do not do my responsibilities, and this is Luxury I can't afford. yes having connections, shareing myself and investigateing Life as it flows is useful, but never from a separated mind perspective!
While i was aligning myself with others, I let my responsibilities and made up justifications and lies to keep it "cool".
Anything I do in process that does not have a physical evidence is the same as it didn't happenned.
this is why this can't be done "in the mind" because that is the opposite of the physical. So living and physical application IS all what is a clear sign of REAL CHANGE.