Day 112: Being dragged around
What i mean by conditioning myself is that i normally lived (which was of course based on my point of view, but it means i had lived in the restrictive nature and reactive behaviour i have developed trought the years) and then a moment comes where i see an opportunity to act differently, or see differently, or choose differently than i would "normally" do. So in those cases i set-up a new condition based on asumptions either BEFORE or AFTER the consequences of that particular out-stepping of the "normal" world of mine, and thus create a connection/relationship to that particular opportunity i accepted/rejected, and thus from there on based on sololey on that first encounter i LOCK myself into the position/decision i made and always do that. never ever really thinking or investigating the point or looking at what it causes for whom.
And i have plenty of these in me still, yet here i can see the opportunity beforehand, CONSIDER myself and the consequences and investigate if it's best-for-all or not and decide based upon that. ALSO i can see my automatic systems firing-up saying "Yep i know this one! this will end this way, that will end that way, so i do this because it worked thus far" basically also allowing the belief that the input of the situation will be the same thus the outcome must be the same.
of course here are plenty of *new opportunities which i heaven't categorized and automated yet, which is cool because in these i can skip that and start with considerations and looking at what is best for all, and actually direct myself in those points. of course many many points are related to each other so a new opportunity always touches an old system thus allowing for me to see/understand/realise and correct myself here and walk my process.
i see that it's not the easiest thing to do, and that here are A LOT of my conditionings which are not just abusing myself but also others, thus i have plenty of points to work on, one at a time.
When and as i go into deciding and acting based upon pre-defined values/ideas/methods/ways without considerations, i stop and breathe.
I realise that creating automatic patterns and using them are abuseing myself and not allowing me to see/understand and realise myself and the world as myself HERE.
I commit myself to always consider what is best for all upon decision making, and actually commit myself to my decisions, and at the same time never take a decision granted but use common sense to see the relations between things.