2012-10-27

Day 127: the Bystander Effect

While "living life" it is so easy to do the things I'm programmed to, it feels like i would just don't do anything, yet then i always do what i'm designed for: abuse.

so kinda when i'm not all about process, or full with excitement of working and realising new points, and "let myself steam off" is where i see that by accepting this kind of "let go of myself" is where i just suddenly fall back onto being a mind-slave.


It is soo easy to just stand back, turn away, and not look at myself and let me "rot" and not take any responsibility for myself in some points, maybe just some i encounter-i mean i do not let go all of them because then i would like spend all my money on alcohol or such things-which would make my life seriously off-course, just not working out what i find and letting myself stagnate for a while.
Reality is:there is no such thing as stagnation when comes to mind-shitting, i'm either allow and accept the bullshit i have and produce more, or i don't and work on the points and have less of them day by day. so this kind of working then not for a while is actually really sabotageing myself, because i'm picking up points on my "rest days".

Where does this want to be a bystander of my own self-abuse comes from? it's because i am still separating myself from mySelf. and i accept and allow myself to be able to stand out of my shoes somwhere outside and just let me beat on myself while i'm looking away, having peace and time for doing NOTHING.
it's easier and it generates nice feelings, yet these are all only masking the pain and consequence i create with it.

i will not write from the starting point of the past...it has passed, nor will i write from the starting point of "i want to repair myself" that would be again self-abuse as separation, i only write because here is no other thing to do, and i get to this realisation over and over and over till i get it and stop such behaviour and running away. so yes plenty of points arisen on these days, and i will write about them when i get to them and thats it.

so today i had a walk with myself where i stood for myself and spoken many self-forgiveness and corrective and directive statements, and actually i am really for walking here, in breath, and these outtakes i make are here to show and support me in process.

so i wil walk points that are the most prominent in the following posts, yet as i learn more and more and have more tools and as i expand within this it's changeing day by day i'm changing myself little by little and i am committed to do this.

not standing up for ourselves is never a solution to anything, you can also start your process here by registering and enrolling for the FREE online education: Desteni"I"Process Lite and start understanding yourself and the world within and without, while having unconditional support in the form of a Buddy who will always be here to guide and assist where you need the most.
Let's walk together and end all the suffering and misery we cause to ourselves and the world.

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