2012-10-30

Day 129: Acceptence?


I ended with preferring relaxation with silence but more importantly that i project my desires onto others and believe that they want the same thing too, and justifying my actions with this logic.


what is more interesting is that this is also about acceptence, others accepting me, because when i act as they like they will accept that action and so they accept me...reptilian logic it is, funny because there is no connection between these whatsoever!
only I'm the one who created such connections and relationships about these, and this goes back to when i was a child, all i learned at home and at school more, is that i HAVE to be accepted by others or i will get punished, hurt, abused so often that i cannot live at all. and this created a dependency of acceptedness, and thus pleasing others based on such fears.

but when i look at it in common sense, others also do such acts out of fear of not being accepted, so if two beings co-operate from this same starting point of fear then all they do is fuck both of them up twofold, and it leads to abuse because of the fears.
Of course the underlying fear is "being alone" "being the only one last being in existance". which originates from believing the thoughts: "i can't be alone in all of the universe!" "THERE must be something ELSE!"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act based on fear of not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my day-to-day actions/activities within and as what i have to do in order to please others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to please others based on the that i want to be done the same onto me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act based only on self-interest of what i want to be done onto me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider all the participants and all the starting points of actions and activities.
I forgive myself for not accepting and alloiwng myself to take responsibility for my starting points in actions, and hide behind fears and justifications.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am seperate from existance.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think "i can't be alone in all of the universe"
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from existance itself based on thoughts.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in and as existance.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inferior to existance itself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see understand and realise that i fear to see and understand existance as it is Real because i limit myself and my preception of existance.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a superiority/inferiority construct and connect myself to existance as a whole with it, and thus accept and allow myself to abuse myself.

ShareThis