Day 131: Important EYE's
yet here i'm talking about both the term EYE as a word used to agree or tell that the passed information has been understood. it was mostly used and started from the old sailors, where the sailsmen had to react to orders to let the captain know if they heard it through a storm or else. like a feedback mechanism that made the ships organising easyer and more interactive.
Interesting to see that the human eye does the same thing...it's designed to make us agree to what we are seeing(what i see is true because i see it-belief) yet it is really just a feed-back system which reflects and shows us what are we accepting and allowing ourselves within and without to exist.
yet we have been conditioned to only watch but never see this wretched image of ourselves as all of humanity, and even when we see "we turn a blind eye", meaning turn away and try to forget it.
so what have we done with an unbreakable mirror that's ALWAYS shows the exact truth about ourselves? we WANT to lok away so much we no longer see it in front of us. it's here no doubt, yet we just look right through it.
i realise this by being self-honest with myself, i realised that i'm just looking through my mirror of the world and even when i can clearly see my truth of what i've done or doing i still deny the fact and dney the responsibility.
It's easy to do that, to turn away, to not see the evident, because then i have to do nothing about it.
so yes, i've been partially unable partially not sitting down to write blogs in these days...i had realisations, i do walked them, just not written...so one would ask"where's the problem in that?"
the problem is that it's not trackable it's not fixed, it is not here anymore. course while i walk it, yet i do not walk those point iun every breath just "sometimes" thus i have not transcended those points yet.
EYE i have been again letting myself stop from writing and sleep instead. also made a circumstance where my physical eyes have been somewheat sore and sticky so i went to rest it offand tricked myself with this into sleeping and when i woke up in the middle of the night i did not take responsibility for myself.
how many times do i have to fall over like this to stop? even i can't tell this. so here i start to stop this nonsensical dishonesty.
here are plenty of resistances, yet i have to push through...even if i'm uncomfortable, because that means that i'm on a topic that's "sticky" and "oh no don't work on that!" spot...and if i let myself evade that point, then just like with horse desensitizing next time it will be bigger and more points becoming like this and the far future this will cause me to stop completely and just sleep over till i just die in misery. no point doing that so let's start.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to stop wirting blogs and just do my process verbally and physically without sharing unconditionally for myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can write later and postpone my writing with the intention of filling it in later, yet not one moment can be repeated ever.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go into being dishonest about my walking of the process and the specificity of it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stop writing dayly as a means to record and share my process with myself.
i commit myself to continue tomorrow with this point.