|(good ol' brainwashing)|
Sure i've always known what behaviour and culture is and what are it's laws and "this is how to do things" orders, yet i've not investigated the points then rather fell into the point of looking at them on the surface then judgeing that it is useless and then deciding based on such judgement that i will not "obey" such rules anymore.
What i missed is that i have not worked on such points yet, meaning getting to the core and starting point of them and rooting them out to let it go, instead i held onto them just took an opposite side of a polarity-while still feeding the system of behaviourism, etiquette, mannerism, and protocol.
I have asked the lecturer if he would be telling the origins and history of how such system got created and how it shaped society yet the answer was...no. so we ought to TAKE suche knowledge-and regurgitate it back, more so abide and comply with them.it is not surprising to see that again education fails to show the entire picture, clearly not designed to promote radical thinking or questioning but rather create organic robots fitting into the system and to make sure that system never changes.
IT's more than luxury to NOT investigate and take back the root points and processes of creating and maintaining such systems - it is self-abuse, done hidden inside each being from a very young age throughout our entire life - never gewtting to the question of "wait...exactly how did i get to accepting and allowing this to rule over me without being aware of it?".
so here i take one of the points: behavior.
interesting that in the hungarian language actually here are two seperate meaning words which translate to this one english word. there is one for the other which is demeanor.
A direct re-translation from hungarian for behaviour is:"self-attitude"(maga|tartás) and for demeanor: "behaving"(viselkedés)
actually they are intertwined and woven together while one means the "inner aware attitude towards others and the relationship" while behaving means "the outside demonstration of that attitude" (quoted from the class)
Actually this shows that this is a polarity construct of separation, where there is an inside and an outside perspective/world within me that may or may not match yet there is difference and opposition between the two.
and this takes me to the CONSEQUENCE of behaviour: "I can think and do whatever i want inside me because noone can see or find out because IF i behave correctly in the out-side THEN it will be always accepted and allowed and never questioning my inner means"
this is not just seperating an inside and an outside world, but also these from myself so it's again a 3 headed monster, that i keep fighting with and as.
and also here are many justifications of why i shouldn't take responsibility for such point like "it's not my fault that i have been conditioned by my parent's" and "IF i disobey them THEN society will make me an outsider" and "it's always been this way" ect.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist working on and investigating behavior.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest about behaviourism and my participation within and as it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stop the processing of myself based on behaviourism.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to resist investigating and changing my system of behaviourism.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of behaviorism.
I am continuing in posts to come.