Day 139: Reasonless

Throughout my life, there were plenty of events that i could not explain the reason or meaning, just had to accept it's happened and it's real.

And I got many of such events, yet i've never really questioned them, just went along, pretending it's okay. I can recall that i have been told many times by my parent in my childhood that "You don't have to know everything!" and this is only from the starting point of not wanting to answer all the endless row of WHY?nings of the child, blaming tiredness/work/life/money/time lack thereof.

And through repetition the child gets used to such construct so in ideal(from a system perspective) it will not question how the system works and become a perfect little organic robot who will do anything to keep the system as it is.

How can I break such system? seems too big and complicated and too much intertwined to deal with? it is not. IT's about forgiving my past behaviour, and committing myself to keep on questioning and investigating and not just looking for but actually self-honestly finding the origins and starting points of systems and constructs through understanding them and stopping my participation within and as them.