Day 141: Luck strikes back!

While browsing trhough my life i did not see that i would be generally lucky, i mean i have not been repeatedly winning or having a fortune or getting everything i wanted to get...or it didn't come from nothing, because my father had worked for those things hard.

Looking a bit closer, from my point of view-not from a family one, i can consider my growing up lucky. I was a really smartass kid in school (being able to spot the drawbacks and stupidity of rules in 2nd grade) and i always liked to see things differently, ask serious questions, which of course have never been answered by others, so party this is why i became a loner rouge, on my thinking process.
yet every time i started to get into the detail of a point, and explore how something work and why or what i am experiencing i DID got a new toy or tool to occupy my mind.

I got to play on computers in the age of 11! and from there on i got radios and later an own computer and then sports tools like bicycles and ping-pong set and a knife, i got such things and these really kept me occupied for all the time, stating that i don't need to care about how the world works or how I work, just play around, have fun, have a great time, enjoy myself and stay safe. And i got so used to this that i never even thought of me being lucky, i was just okay, because i saw that plenty of others have even better life, they can be even less concerned about anything.

This has been the way untill i got info highschool, or rather in the senior years of it. in 2006 and 2007. I started to see things from a bit further away then what i used to, and tried and connected information and drew bigger pictures of how systems and life works. of course with this came Egoism and consequence. first of all i got further from humans, i mean i was a loner before yet now i even got more introvert and only talking with a select few 5-8people excluding my family members, i have not shared myself with them, and with gaining a better understanding of my life and other's life, eventually it raised questions. I actually questioned the system, and while i was not able to answer them i did my reshearch and investigation of people, to see the things between the lines, to know what is hidden in plain sight.

Altough i got to be a huge Egomaniac, through this two things, i answered plenty of such annoying questions, by linking together what i could see and understand. and while i created and entire belief system about myself and this world, which was a bunch of bullshit imagination, it kinda correlated with reality, and as i here understand the story of creation. of course it was not a perfect match of understanding, yet i paved the road before me to walk the path of investigation reshearch and realisation. and i got into it really deeply.

Of course the system could not accept this to happen, and i know i was really close to stepping off my pre-programmed path of life, so a change had to be made. And i've been struck by Luck.
I didn't notice it as such, i mean i was happy for it happening but not considered it as a gift or that i've become lucky, i just accepted it as the randomness giving me a chance.

As i started to go for the university after highschool, i was already a half year member of an internet chat site, where i shared and talked with others and tried to make them come to their senses and realise as i have. and suddenly a girl started to chat with me, and it was not the usual short how are you how are you chats and not even talking about crap, but we could talk for real.
also another woman-who was much much older than me-startet to have a big interest in my "teachings". and at the same time, at the university i met a girl who was interested in me and found me funny and smart and kind and one to befriend.

this should have been a warning, because through my 18years of life i've been mostly around boys and only watching girls/woman in porn moovies, and suddenly now i had 3 possible "mates"+1 that got interest in my intelligence. I mean not at the same day but looking at it from a less time-sensitive point it kinda happened within the same 2 months of me meeting them a getting to know the up to the point of CHOOSING one of them. because i knew i wanted to choose one to have a life in the long term. so this got my attention and here i can see that this actually stopped me from getting to the real questions. i got busy with these 3+1 girls and keeping myself friends with them and making things for them ect.

so this sudden change of pace IS based on the luck system, i got lucky to get 3 girls to choose from while i have been a really antisocial human. it just does not fit into the way of things happening. But i didn't see this back then, i was just happy and full of things to do. and meet. so i fell for the trap and got back onto the track of doom i've been designed for.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that luck has a reason to make things happen to someone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see understand and realise that i have been keeping myself within the limits of my pre-programmed life with the system of luck.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself the system of luck to keep myself on the pre-programmed path of life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get occupied by the gifts of luck.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see understand and realise that everything new that i have got suddenly is only here based on the system of luck in order to keep myself pre-occupied with such things and items in order to not raise questions and to not question how the system works.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stop asking questions about myself and reality, because of occupying myself with other activities.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stand wihtin and as my actions and dedications to understand and unveil the truth of reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly accept anything that can be useful for me or that can occupy me, without considering the consequential outflow of me participating and interacting with such items or beings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anything new i get is for the benefit of me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to benefit from everything that i posess or come into contact with.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be self-dishonest by being selfish regarding anything i experience.

when and as i go into occupying myself through a tool or being in order to sabotage my process of self realisation, i stop and breathe.
I realise that by occupying myself i only lenghten my process and create ven more points to work on.
I commit myself to show that any action done from the starting point of energy is always just to keep me in the boundaries of my pre-programming therefore to sabotage my self-honesty and walking of my process.

when and a i got into not questioning a point i see/saw, I stop and breathe.
I realise that without questioning I cannot be self-honest with myself, only have a pre-designed answer that is only here to keep me within and as the system of abuse.
I commit myself to push myself and others to question even the most fundamental points in order to process the points that have been hidden in plain sight, and to not stop till the self-honest realisation is done.

When and as i go into missing the reality and the starting point of events, i stop and breathe.
I realise that everything has a starting point and by not considering or investigating it i only hide and supress that point to keep myself in my pre-programming.
I commit myself to investigate and show the starting point of events and actions, and change all my starting points of applications and participations to what is best for all in equality and oneness.