Day 148: I'm no subject!
there is even a saying "it all starts in the head" which states that every happening or action or event or moment really starts a process of data processing in the mind and there is oppinions views judgements sides and memories of it.
while it would be more correct to say "it all starts within me" because that is what's all around. everything i experience or encounter is a reflection of my standing and acceptance and allowance, for example my questions that i got to answer today on my exams were only here to assist and support me in my process of standing up within and as integrating and living the information and knowledge i am asked to "learn". and so my standing not only defined that but also my ability to answer them or not, and even to the smallest detail, of course i have to direct myself within and through every moment of my life here which i still not do completely yet i was able to do it in those moments and stand for learning as one and equal with information and knowledge.
and i see this with not only myself, i see on my classmates clearly that how they are experiencing and acting in such moments are already pre-defined by their previous acceptance and allowance and starting points.
The illusionary choice in the beginning of such case-effect chain is to be here and direct myself and direct my starting point or "let the mind work it out" for me and thus accept to allow to only be and become a reactant in many of life situations and thus take whatever i get in the end.
and altough i was able to stand for the principles i stated above i still had to work on breathing and NOT reacting to questions that were not asked from me. Because my ego would have liked to answer all the questions that were sounded in the room kinda flashing that "i know everything! I'm the best! let me answer it!" and this is on topic, that many times this taking personally character works in two ways. in one way i take things personally and want to do it and in the other way denying the fact that i'm involved, thus using such a polarity i manage what i want to attract and what to repel while generating energy by abusing the body in every possible case.