Day 155: The Test of reality

this is a continuation of the previous posts:
Part 1:Last Minute F(l)ight
Part 2:Constant output

Here's arrived the time to go trough the exams on the end of this semester...where I have to proove that trtough the 5 months of education i have acquired the information and knowledge said to me, and am capable of giving it back exactly the same.

and this is again in this current system, supports my "last-minute-addiction" because here are no monthly or weekly tests or practice routines, just learn trough the semester then regurgitate it SOME back, because there's no time for every student to say ALL the lecture's information.
and altough some schools and even universities established a system where test are held in shorter intervals like weekly monthly, it is still a problem that one does not in fact NEED to APPLY the supposedly learnt things in day to day living.

just take for example learning to speak as a toddler, one does not learn and listen for 5 months then is asked to fluently win a poetry-championship! no every day here's some new words to learn and every day here are practising of saying out the words and trying to make sentences that make sense aka. copying the parent's ones. it's a test every day! and life is the same...one has to every day manage themselves to feed and nurture one's body and do useful things in the remaining time. every fucking day.

and when it comes to school=training to think instead of doing something useful, this method of huge timespan of cycles of taking it easy then a short period of rush-hour makes such addiction created easily. of course if one is constantly nagged and forced to learn and become a learning-machine by parents/enviroment, yes they can handle it at the cost of other probably more destructive addictions and polarities and mindshits. of course here's the other end of the polarity the ones who literally never learn anything and get expelled and just hangs around society doing nothing.
these only show the faulty nature of the system itself and what we as individuals ALWAYS accepted and allowed ourselves to be okay/normal/acceptable/allowable while self-honsetly we all know how destructive this is and that it's not acceptable AT ALL.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the cycle of the school program to the cycle of my energy production, where when the program is not asking me to give back information i only lay back and not learn, while in the time of tests and exams i go into a rush-hour mode and learn fast and hard to keep the information in my memory or to get it upfront in order for me to be able to regurgitate back.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity cycle wihtin and as myself where one end is a totally relaxed and enjoyed state, while to other end is the over-stressed and hardworking state and allowed myself to trap myself into and as this stupidity cycle without seeing realising or understanding what i am participating within or how the cycle works.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only create and participate within and as this cycle of learning/existing in order to generate energy for the mind and trap myself based on my accepted and allowed energy addiction.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest about the way/method i am learning as collecting information and knowledge, and thus not see understand and realise that i am solely responsible for the creation and existance of such cycle of stupidity.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to shift my responsibility towards others by blaming the schooling/education system that IT is responsible for my behaviour with the justification of "i've just accomodated to the system"

more to come next...