2012-12-19

Day 156: For-Giving me Before...

here's the self-forgiveness expanded on the points discussed in these posts:
Day 153: Last-minute F(l)ight
Day 154: Constant Output
Day 155: The Test of reality

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and do actions based on other people judged as seperate from me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge other biengs that i precieve seperate, to be seperate from me, and to allow myself to give away my responsibilities by participating within and doing actions based on my judgements of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other biengs judged seperate from me for the action i have participated within and did.
I forgibve myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of the consequences of my actions BEFORE i participate in or do them.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the consequences of my actions and participation in the moment that the consequences take place.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame other beings for the consequences of my action that i have blamed those other beings in order to shift my responsibility for the actions AND the consequences.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see understand or realise the evident or possible consequences of my actions untill the last moment.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into and energetic reaction to seeing the inevitable consequence's arrival and put myself into a reaction based immediate survival-mode, where i again do not take into consideration of the possible consequences or outflows of my reaction towards evading the previous consequences, thus put myself into a definitive cycle of emergency where i always react right before the consequences would occur.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the possible consequences and outflows of my decisions and actions and participations and supress my self-awareness that every one of my actions have a consequence that follows.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself in the cycles of last-minute reacting to consequences, in order to feed the mind with energy from both while i'm supressing myself and from the intense reaction and participation within and as worrying and thinking of evasions and the want/desire to evade the consequences and then again the supressing of myself that the storm has gone.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when i get to the point of a consequence is imminent create worries and try to think out a way to escape/evade the consequences that would have a negative effect on me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define consequence within and as negative/bad/wrong
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience a consequence that has a negative effect on my life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life is directed by outside effects that i cannot control/determine, thus subjecting myself from my responsibility for my actions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to experience a consequence/outflow that has a negative effect on my life.
I forgive myself thati h vae accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as fears and wants/desires when here is an inevitable change on my life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT remain here, and to direct myself based on principles but allow myself to be directed by consequences/outflows, than shifting my responsibility for taking responsibility by blaming these "outside" forces as consequences/outflows.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately WAIT for the events to "play out" without me seemingly participate in them and ONLY act at the very last moment based on reactions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do nothing and remain in the background based on that i am unaware of the self-supression i am participating within.

self committments in the next post...

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