Day 187: wore down

so as i look around here, i see many others being tired and down after a day of mostly doing nothing just listening to others and entertaining themselves, and when one gets into real physical hard work, like at the stables, they can sleep 4-6hours more than the usual 8-9h.


Day 186: REplace

I suck.
it takes only two characters in this to change it to:
I rock.
but this difference is called replacing the letters in the word, while actually it's changing them to other letters.


Day 185:Flawless maximalism

here's a video of expanding the point.

so here are the forgiveness on the points for it:


Day 184: asserting myself into

As i've been living my life as a listener more than a participant, altough i have been participating in mindshite all over my head, i was PRETENDING to be quite outgoing at least with friends i carefully chosen and selected.


Day 183: HSS

it stands for "Hurt?! Separation Syndrome?!" for the Homo Sapiens Sapiens :lol


Day 182: Starting from...?

Today I totally reworked my computer system, and the previous days have been spent with the preparations to it...yet it takes me a whole week! although taking my time, and making sure everything will be in place and how i need it is worth the preparation, anyway it's way more effective to prepare myself for success than create a bunch of points where i can fail that cause drawbacks.


Day 181: stop looking THERE

(Scanning the Horizon by Donald Smith)
i'm realising more and more how much i do went into participating within and as looking for something "out there", yet this as all points originates from me, so let me take a look.

Day 180: Link deleted...

the previous post here shows and expands on the point of programming and the problems and solutions to connecting my programming to energy and points to achieve this, so here comes the application of the solution:


Day 179: the Digital curse

Programs, they control our way of interaction, our commands are carried out by them, they often makes us happy or sad, blissed or angry, or just do the work what we don't want to.
I mean partially here about computer programs...and a little about our mind-programs as well of course.

what's the problem with programs? what i asked myself...why the f* i get angry at them? who am i really angry at? and where do i create this anger from?


Day 178: The End of abusive stories

here is the forgiveness on the points regarding the previous two posts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to gather information and knowledge in order to generate memories from it and create and maintain a flow of energy thorugh the mind.


Day 177: the best-sellers are the beast-tellers

yesterday i have wirtten about the point of telling stories and that our childhood stories do effect our life because those are the ones we shape our understanding of the world around us...

so the questions of why and how this is working and where it comes from is asked...


Day 176: Storytelling

wherever i look i see this, we all participate in it, we all know it, and we all accepted and allowed ourselves to NOT consider what it is and what we are causing with our participation within and as it.


Day 175: Consistency

When i started this walking of the journey to life, i stopped myself from thinking ahead and planning ahead or hoping for the future or even stopped guessing how i will walk it. All i did was to dedicate myself to walking it daily.

Yet while i look back at all these posts it is clearly visible that my writings had not been continuos, indicating the weak point in my process here...and that is consistency.

I mean doing something from dedication is okay, yet i also decided to do this daily no matter what...
this is to reflect this to myself and get this point out here to see and work on, because it's not just about my blog-writing here, but also of my other responsibilities.

and first when i realised my inconsistency i allowed myself to backchat about it as "why do i can't keep my word?" and "what makes it impossible to do such tasks?" and here lies the problem in front of me...myself.
by going through these questions trying to desperately answer them and find the problem to fix it and get on...i missed that what i do IS the problem itself. those are not self-honest questions at all!
the real question is "what and how do i do to block/prevent myself from getting my responsibilities done?"

i use anything i have to justify my actions...because consistency would mean i have to constantly change/direct myself...and from a mind perspective where i used to just hang onto the flow and "enjoy" this is a really hard task and not what i would like to do.

another interesting thing is that such defiency comes up when i don't have to be a slave to something physical, for example school-going or working or something that someone ELSE have organised/planned...thus a kind of seking leadership, and when nothing's around i follow the mind where it goes. this i realised while watching the star wars: clone wars series...where there is no episode without presenting an "order structure/hierarchy".
altough this again is just one end of a polarity because i really liked to manipulate/control other's behaviour and lives...which also just reflects me that i'm not directing myself here.

this must stop here.
i am changeing myself, breath by breath, step by step, and directing myself point by point. it takes a process while the decision is instant.
I am here, I walk this process and not accepting nor allowing any giving up or retreat.