Day 184: asserting myself into

As i've been living my life as a listener more than a participant, altough i have been participating in mindshite all over my head, i was PRETENDING to be quite outgoing at least with friends i carefully chosen and selected.

yet also i've realised that i have been into many situations where i just peeked into a conversation/interaction between beings to try to understand them and categorise and "fix" them into a certain specific ruleset to be able to predict and plan for their behaviours.

so plenty of times i've been a background personality in group conversations, and even at events or parties, i just hung in the background keeping an eye for everyone.

yet here, as i push myself to be more active within consideration and conversations too to be assertive and stand within and as the point, direct it to share how to do and what to do from the starting point of what is best for all.
I mean before i was only speaking-up like this in order to gain interest and force my truth onto others, yet here i share the point and let it unfold and "digest" in others without the feeling or urge to force or push them or just be defensive/attacking about the point...

...more so i've been realising more and more the moments where ANY cutting in or speaking would be only fuelling the points of the minds, without any considerate effect and just add to the abuse, and because i can see these before i would actually go into speaking, i can breathe, and stabilize myself from "wanting to interrupt" and thus let the situation to cool down until i can direct myself or the point to have it beneficial for all...