Day 186: REplace

I suck.
it takes only two characters in this to change it to:
I rock.
but this difference is called replacing the letters in the word, while actually it's changing them to other letters.

replacing actually means that i take something i already have, from where it is currently, and place it to another spot, meaning it means the action/process of movement of something "outside" of me between two places also "outside" of me.

in this is NO any mentioning of CHANGING that thing i replace just moving it from one environment into another.

so what i've seen within and as myself here, is that some points i did not change myself within and as, rather i just REPLACED them with another point, meaning i re-placed the "old" point lower in my layers of my mind and placed another point in it's place...to be more precise this i mean in my schedule/time/doing stuff...

and this means only one thing: i have acceppted and allowed myself to SUPRESS points i have actually realised/understood before and "managed", so this is a red flag that i am not standing my commitments to working on my points, blaming the "new" points that i have to deal with them. while in reality i am just not honest to myself about when and what to do and what i cause with that action.

therefore here i have to start myself over again, and commit myself to stop replacing my points/supressing them and actually work on anything i can/rise up here within and as the moment when i am physically able to, and not allow myself to supress points to "let space/time" for those i WANT to work on. because points i WANT to work on are mostly not decided based on common sense, but more based on the levels of difficulty, which means again self-dishonesty.

so altough i got a lot to work on, and yes made a lot of "late" in blogs while did my vlogs, i am here nevertheless and walking again, point by point, even if i am not doing anything else in a day than being on school classes, then writing my process/forgiveness/reading the material...i mean yeah i can watch moovies or series or YT vids of games, yet these i used many times as a replacement of my time to not do my process here...

therefore here i stand the change, and stop myself from replacing my process-time/space with f-ing around.