2013-03-09

Day 189: Must act rationally...every moment

in the last two weeks, i've been in a sort of fight with myself, which boiled down due to money.
it is clear that today in order for me to be able to sustain my body in terms of energy physically i need to eat at least X calories/day. it can be calculated but it does not matter exactly. what it matters that it is a MUST.


based on my not caring about the future and not counting enough- or not being considerate enough, i've come to a situation of getting really low on funds, which in terms resulted in having to narrow down my food expenses because frankly this is the last category i can spend.

and i have calculated what and when to buy to make it to my next "payment" i still went into self-sabotage.
although i was constantly aware of my situation i still had great desire to eat some fast food in terms of sweets and chocolate or bakery product of some sorts. and i have accepted myself to even get into wasting money on such products. risking food deprivation.
and this shows how and why the concept of "living for the moment" is absolute stupidity and bullcrap.
i wanted to suppress my anxiety and fears and worries and depressions about my money-situation by anti-depressants->sweets&sugar. and not considering that this not only does not solve the issue but creates an even greater consequence. it's again only symptom treatment!

the root of this point comes from childhood where i've "learned" through my parent's actions(treatment) that when i am DOWN or sad or fearful, a sweet food can help. of course this is the outcome of not educating parents that it is not a solution to silence the kid with symptom treatments. i mean i'm not blaming them or the system, i am the one accepting and allowing such a thing to exist within and as myself. so it's the easier way of solving problems, even if it is only good for a short period of time.

so to stop myself from doing the same thing over again, i must investigate and solve the problems of me going into anxiety, fear, depression and worrying.

stopping the origin stops the problem AND the symptoms...a win-win outcome always.

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