2013-03-17

Day 190: Catching up

Here i realized a point which i could not understand so far nor could i describe it for what or where it's coming from. while it's easy, i just tried to shearch a reason or definition of it within and as my mind and could not find any.


it's because there is only the ones i've put in there, and because i've never realized it it's not in it.
i've been experiencing the driving force of catching up to my responsibilities, meaning that to do every task i assigned myself to do and the level of effectiveness and to catch up in terms of reading for example the journey to life blogs that are important to see realise and push myself in my process through walking with and as others in their writings.

so i tried to look for triggering points that could indicate this being a feeling/emotion/want/desire point, yet i could not find any.
it's simply because here isn't any! this is a direction point, meaning i drive myself to do it, yet because of my concerning and worry and OVER thinking of the point i held myself back, suppressing it in a way, so i didn't do my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself as the point of directing myself and driving myself to catch up with my process.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold back my self-direction based on my thoughts beliefs and ideas.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being driven/directed by myself as who i am here within equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing my responsibilities based on the fear of being driven/directed by myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self-honest about my stopping of self-direction/driving

i commit myself to when and as i go into suppressing myself within and as the point of directing/driving myself to catch up in my responsibilities, i stop and breathe.
I commit myself to direct and drive myself within and as what is best for all in every moment.
I commit myself to stop looking for reasons or trigger points to my act of self-direction and self-motivation and self-driving.

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