Day 204: Cycles of Doom - part 10 - doubt of me

Today, i have been exposed to intense physical work, again, and i will do the same for the next3-4 days too.
physically i am well fit and muscular enough to do the job, that's not a problem at all. still when i look at my day as a whole, i see that many times the point of doubt arose within me.

and this is not just about today, this has been throughout my whole life experience, especially speaking of school experiences. i mean i was introduced to the concept of FAIL in elementary, where there was always something more i could have done according to my teachers, and i accepted and allowed their disappointment and demands and expectations to exist within and as me too.

hence the concept of doubt is about me not being sure if i am able to succeed. yet this is plain, simply visible when i am self-honest that this is just a BIG lie to myself, a dishonesty. because me not being sure means that i have not investigated the points and/or not committed myself enough, and don't trust myself enough to be sure that i will succeed/do what i have started.

and this point is also in physical projects such as working 8am-2pm or other things such as tests i have to write for classes. i constantly doubt myself and my applications and ways of doing stuff, yet on the other hand at the same time i am direct, pushing and straightforward with myself.
i just allow moments/times of going into this point of doubt which is here to create FEARS in me and trigger a chain reaction, which will eventually lead to my certain failure.
and this is why i write this out, and work on it the following posts, to stop myself from being self-dishonest and walk myself here ass life as what is best for all.