Day 209: Modifying factors...

In terms of physical living, i am bound to comply with the rules and laws of the physical. although humanity and me have been very much defining things to being falling into such category while it is not at all part of such rules/laws but i am simply cannot understand the equation of those particular things, thus making it a mystery and stating that it has power over me.


Day 208: where am i?

Although i repositioned myself back here, it does seem like is slide along a path of descent. the key point in this is that this is an EXPERIENCE, and not a physical thing, thus i create this experience of me sliding off-track, with the many things i have do attend to, so time to stop it here. i'm not worrying about the COD series, nor my way many days missing, because worry is just another mindfuck of it's own, so here i stand, again, regarding creating an experience from my failures.


Day 207: re-turning on-me

A bit of play with words, here i return to myself as i re-turn on myself and my eye and self-honesty on me, and direct myself and lead saying "on me!" and walk again on my path and journey to life, as writing a blog daily here.

this post assisted a lot with this returning, see for assistance:


Day 206: Cycles of doom - part 12 - turnover at exit no.X

over and over the cycles continue, over and over i repeat my mistakes of not standing up by going into activities and justifications where at the end of the day i skipped my responsibilities.

yes it's warm and i have at least 8 things to do right now all of them are equally immediately required from me...
but i've got here by not taking them one at a time when i had my time for them...so to exit is to give up ALL my time including sleeptime to get myself back into the line? NO.

because i am the same way responsible for my own human physical body the best way to solve this is to stop any and all activity not about my responsibilities and doing only those ones i have to...one by one.

it's not easy to over make myself work and study especially (1university course, 3online courses, 2desteniIprocesses, ect.) so yes it's me who took all these to meet them, so i have to do them myself.
so here i start doing it :D


Day 202:silence - work, apply, practice

it is interesting that i am not classifying myself as talkative or outgoing in the sense of communication, still while looking at my past living moments, when i get into a situation of communication, especially verbally, i really am talkative and over-expressive, although this has triggering points in front of it.

by that i mean i go into thinking and connecting things and it is quite a habit to speak to me, haven't considered it this way but it's not JUST a habit, its more like an addiction. a controlled one. i can control that i don't communicate all the time but when i have to opportunity-coming from my opportunitist "personality" and then i just blow it out/explode all my communication.

i mean it's not the amount that is the problem here, because it is assistive and supportive to be able to communicate 100% of what i'd like to share, the problem is with the starting point of it, and that it is NOT a self-expression but rather just reactions and systems and addictions playing out.

altough because the starting point is the base of any point in me, i have to deconstruct the whole thing, then apply the change AS myself to/as the starting point, and then rebuild the whole communication point again.
i have the tools, i have the "time", i have myself...so i just start it.