D211: This is not working!

Many times i tangle myself in the endless web of my thoughts feelings and emotions for one one "purpose": to distract, to destroy, to convey.

throught my life i had many things done, and many things failed...or so i thought i failed, and every faliure counted inside me as a mark that i'm worthless and hopeless, and that i can't do that thing which i failed in previously. the more i failed the more i started to justify my failures with outside things like the program's not working, others fault, always trying to save at least a little pride and reason why i should continue with trying.


Day 210: switch off

Apparently again i have activated my deactivation sequence...another back-door into my mind, where i can "pause" any activity for unanswered reasons.

this meaning to not do my responsibilities, that i took up dayly, but just reverting to eat-sleep-mindshit/relax cycle of endlessness.

just having schoolwork-examperiod, and doing online classes which again i failed to keep up...generally i'm behind in everything because of this point.