2013-06-03

Day 210: switch off

Apparently again i have activated my deactivation sequence...another back-door into my mind, where i can "pause" any activity for unanswered reasons.

this meaning to not do my responsibilities, that i took up dayly, but just reverting to eat-sleep-mindshit/relax cycle of endlessness.

just having schoolwork-examperiod, and doing online classes which again i failed to keep up...generally i'm behind in everything because of this point.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stop participating within and as my responsibilities and justifying it with various resons based on logic.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use logic and reasoning in order to evade my responsibilities and tasks that i have take up to do dayly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and reasons or logic and allow myself to abuse myself with putting aside my responsibilities, thinking to myself "it's not that important".
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the importance of tasks and responsibilities based on reason and logic instead of being here and seeing common sensically what is best for all and what is not, therefore also choosing to do the tasks that are best for all and stop the abusing of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in time of "crisis" go into the point of "i don't know what to do" and in this state, trust the mind instead of trusting myself to decide and direct me.
I forgive myself for accepting nad allowing myself to be in a state of crisis, where i block/stop myself from being here and go into an infinit loop of anxiety, fear, anger, and hopelessness, and while participating and fuelling these emotions, accept and allow myself to dwelve deep into the mind and stay there.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind without seeing understanding or realising it, or being aware of the effects of it, jsut to gain a feeling of restness and relaxation.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to GET relaxed instead of directing myself to relax physically when my body needs it only.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to seperate myself from anything thus creating a space/time where i can be alone and calm, thus relax.

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