2013-06-04

D211: This is not working!

Many times i tangle myself in the endless web of my thoughts feelings and emotions for one one "purpose": to distract, to destroy, to convey.

throught my life i had many things done, and many things failed...or so i thought i failed, and every faliure counted inside me as a mark that i'm worthless and hopeless, and that i can't do that thing which i failed in previously. the more i failed the more i started to justify my failures with outside things like the program's not working, others fault, always trying to save at least a little pride and reason why i should continue with trying.



what i did not see was that the problem lied in myself, deep in my subroutines of acting judging and living.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my failures with outside resons and causes without even considering that i am the starting point if the failure because i created it in the first place, therefore i have to change myself and not just my behavior but the whole starting point and within and as me change the whole process and outcome too.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my performance compared to an ideal performance "level" which is never considering my actuaal phisical capabilities and options, thus the ideal cannot be achieved because i am not in that equasion.

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