2014-01-20

Day 219: Sober Sundays

looking back at my days of failing and succeeding, it seems that i tend to come out of my self-pity on sundays, which is interesting and also not.



so i investigate this connection, see if i made more regarding sundays.

i grew up in a system where the week starts with monday and ends with sunday, this is what i've been taught accepted and allowed to define me also, 5 workday and then at the end two "free"days and the loop starts over.
everyone i saw around me was just like garfield "i hate mondays", while i, on the other hand always got sort of refreshed like a server reboot, on every new week, pushing behind me what was on "last week" and looking ahead of what will come.
until of course i grew older and realized around 17years old that time is just a continous measure which has no beginning nor end and it has no real intervals, because the world the stars the earth is existing in every moment, so do i, even if i'm sleeping thus eradicated the concept of timeperiods, or so i thought!

while not accepting the concept i kept a dual cyclic life-habit of my own, study on weekdays(only in school of course!) and doing anything else on the weekend(and every time i was not in school) and this pretty much defined me, as where to find me and what activity i could be doing.
i really had no REAL sense of responsibility of "spending" time wisely, because i got food on the table at least 3 times a day, i had no dayly chores to do, just the sometimes go shopping, sometimes take out the garbage, sometime come with me here-there stuff, which were really irregular tasks. this meant that i looked at my life as a flowing river, that flows wherever it's easy, and sometimes when driven out to a new part, it just flows through and find a new way for itself to flow.

also adding to this image that i was generally a loner, had 12friends in my entire lifetime till the age of 22, so i lived "happy ever after" :D

here, the latter years been all the sundays having this whole attitude in me "hey knock it off, you have monday to go and things to do, get up and prepare!", and sometimes this literal kick in my own butt helped, yet at some point i seen that this is a reaction only and went on with testing what "happens" when i don't go and get myself together because of sunday.

turned out that i actually stopped caring and got carried away with my over-comfortiness, and laziness.

the point is, i should not have to have a sunday to pick myself up from the floor and stop abusing myself! the solution is that i change this and change myself, and direct myself as soon as i realize i am self-pity or lazy or abusive towards myself, and breathe and stop, and get up and walk my process, here, for me, changing me here. essentially walking my journey to life.

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