2014-01-26

Day 222: Overdue - Overdone

I've seen this point across my lifetime here that i developed a habit of overdoing my things.
First it seemed like the only way to finish something. Then i told myself it's good that i effectively achieving something, later again i bloated my ego with it, calling myself precise and tedious.


Fact is, i overdo things, by that i mean that if a specific task has for example 1hour of learning 2hours of physical work, then i increase those times-not always using my fullest potential.
Also some times when i got excited and eager to do a certain thing i drive myself right into it with a lot of "momentum" and keep digging till' my shovel breaks - meaning i won't stop until i am either finished and know "all" about it, or i tire myself out so the next thing i do is eat-relax-or sleep.

And although this is "good" for achieving success "fast" and learning or doing more work than intended, it is still an abuse of my body. and it rips my self-organizing apart by creating unnecessary overflow of doing certain thing and the breaks i implement between.
Later, nowadays this point i allowed so far that my whole day became a rush hour, where in the morning i boost myself up, and spin like crazy, and at night i just fall off the edge, into my bed and still see that many things have not been done and many thing i did the day was essentially a waste of time, because it did not give me any benefits physically or mentally.

and altough i've seen this many times before sleep, i just pushed it away, "i'll do it tomorrow" kinda attitude and tomorrow, of course i didn't.

and as these days keep hurdling up into a pile of mess i have to clean up...and it takes more effort than dealing with it, here, when i did it, and see-realize,forgive,release and apply the correction.

I mean i COULD say that this process is hard, yet that is only whining because i don't want to do it, because of speaking from the mind's perspective. like sure, i didn't even want to write this point down whole summer long, yet i participated in it almost every day.

so here it is, written down, not running now-yet i will not hurt my body-especially my eyes now- with watching this white screen(which can't be changed-thanks google!) thus tomorrow morning-next part with working firgiving and applying the corrections.

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