2014-06-03

Day 230: untrustable?

at some stressful situations, like exams i tend to pick memories where i was not getting ready for what is about to come, and sue those memories to self-sabotage, and swallow myself in fear and doubt and judgements...so here is the solution...



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge certain specific future moments to be more important that what is here
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to worry about those future important moments
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want&desire to prepare myself for those future important moments to come, and to want & desire to behave perfectly in those, thus achieve the perfect end result
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want&desire a perfect outcome of an event that is not yet here
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to pursue a moment in the future to sabotage my self awareness here in my actual moment of existance
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my thought and fears of worrying about the future to sabotage my self-awareness here
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of despair caused by my self judgements and thoughts,fears about my future
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my memory to gather experiences where i have not been getting prepared for that important moment in the future
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fears and worries with those past memories of not preparing
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the state of failure with sabotaging myself in being here and actually perparing
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself not ready based on my justifications and sabotaging of myself
I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a waste of my opportunities because of myself lie-ing to me that i have no more opportunities left
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not doing enough based on the jdugement and assumption of how much i would have to be done previously

self commitments will come next...

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