2015-02-01

Day 245: Just one more please - Irresponsibility Pt. 4

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think "I can allow myself to slack just this one more time" and thus negate any attempts that i were to do to take responsibility for something
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bargain with myself within and as thoughts memories and justifications in order to clear my conscience about skipping the taking of responsibility which i planned before.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my memories, thoughts, feelings AS justifications and examples to bargain with myself
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see understand and realize that all this bargaining and justifying the skipping of taking the responsibilities i have is actually abusing myself while also hiding the self abuse from being noticed/realized
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself to achieve less responsibilities to be taken and to generate more energy for my mind with giving up my defining will and let myself be/become posessed by the mind within and as feeling emotions and thoughts.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Give up my self directive power based on all the justifications and reasoning in order to feel alive by experiencing thoughts feelings and emotions within and AS the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define being alive as experiencing thoughts feelings and emotions within and as the mind
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to WANT/desire to feel alive and give power to this feeling in order that it can take over my decisions and thus provide the other parts of the mind to posess me creating a self feeding loop and endless irresponsibility without my intermission.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to RESIST the realizing of the creation and involvement in such self feeding chain of obsession, based on the lack of understanding of what it means to be alive.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my lack of understanding of being alive with the self imposed definition of "i feel alive" and all the relexive energy based feelings the mind as me created in order to mask the real irresponsibility of realizing and actually defining what and who i am based on principles of reality.

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